


Behind Schedule

by yehaesuki



Category: Super Junior
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-16
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2019-11-20 15:21:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 19,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18128132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yehaesuki/pseuds/yehaesuki
Summary: It's been a long time in coming but maybe it'd be worth it in the end.





	1. Chapter 1

Yesung’s phone rings at 4:03 AM.

Yesung, who has just gotten under the covers with an awful migraine could only groan. “Hyung…”

“I’m issuing you a warning,” Heechul says by way of greeting.

“What?”

“Wasn’t that going a bit over the top - greeting him on all your SNS accounts? Digging up pictures from way, way back… And don’t let me get started on the cake! When did you even have the time to buy one and bring it to his apartment at the stroke of midnight?”

Yesung groans again, the volume of Heechul’s voice making his head throb even more.

“His mother brought the cake.” And then, “I just picked her up while they were at H.O.T.-sunbaenim’s concert.”

Yesung can hear Heechul facepalm.

“You’re so whipped for the guy! Next thing we know, you'll be writing songs for him!”

“Who says I haven’t yet?”

“What?!”

“One was actually on...”

“What?!”

Heechul is silent for a bit.

“Oh my god, Jongwoon. Are you telling me you’re actually in love with…”

Yesung groans. “I’m sorry, hyung. My head’s killing me right now. Talk to you when I wake up.”

He hangs up.

—

 

Heechul invites Yesung out for drinks a few days before SuJu has to leave for Mexico. Yesung just sighs, throws on a random jacket, sunglasses, and a face mask and ventures out.

He finds Heechul at their usual - owned by a friend of a mutual friend - nursing what Yesung is sure was not his first glass of soju.

“Yesex!” Heechul greets and Yesung allows himself a small smile.

“Hyung,” he says, clasping the other’s arm. “How have you been?”

“Fine, fine. No news is good news!” Heechul laughs and Yesung is reminded of just how much he’d missed hanging out with his hyung.

Yesung takes a seat, takes a look at the meat sizzling on the grill, wonders if he could get away with not eating. Heechul serves him some and Yesung sighs.

“I was actually just about to ask the same of you - how are you, Jongwoon?”Heechul says, pouring Yesung a glass of soju.

Yesung sighs, “Busy. I hit a dead end with the songwriting for a couple of days. But yeah, other than that - I’m fine. And yes, before you ask, I’ve been eating better now.”

“And sleep?”

Yesung gives Heechul a lopsided grin, downs his soju in one gulp. “Well, I’m here, aren’t I?”

“Ah, I figured… What was the time difference between here and Fukuoka again?”

Yesung gives Heechul an uncomfortable look, looks away. “Ah, I thought we’ve moved past the stage of needing to ask pointless questions.”

Heechul chuckles, “Well, if you put it like that - how’s Donghae?”

Yesung frowns, “I don’t know, hyung. He's just… back. And no, you weren’t the first person to ask me that today.”

“Really?”

“I had lunch with Jungsoo-hyung,” A pause, and then. “Hyung, why haven’t you called him since you've been back from China?”

Heechul coughs, “I thought we’re past the stage of shifting uncomfortable questions to the other?”

Yesung laughs, “Touche.”

“Seriously, Jongwoon - your thing with Donghae…”

“Well, that’s just it, hyung - there is no ‘thing’. This is all me - me being stupid.”

Heechul sighs, wants to say something, but Yesung continues.

“I mean,  we’re close friends, have been for more than half our lives. That’s not something I would throw away for such unimportant things as feelings. I’m scared, hyung. The moment I confess, I just might lose everything - I just know it.”

“Jongwoon…”

“Of all people, I thought you’d understand, hyung.”

Heechul takes a sip of his drink. “Ah well, this and that are totally different things.”

Silence.

“Did you know when I first realized that I loved Jungsoo?”

Yesung looks at him. Heechul usually dodged and denied, cursed at him, or changed the subject when he pushed the issue too far. Heechul willingly talking about his feelings for their leader - that was quite rare and Yesung wonders what brought this on.

“It was that day when we had to go to SMTown Osaka without him.”

“Hyung, but that was…”

“Yeah. All this time, I was in love with the guy and didn’t even know it.” A bitter chuckle. “I wasted so much time… In a way, I quite envy you, you know?”

“Hyung…”

“And yeah, it might be too late for me and Jungsoo but you and Hae… All I’m saying is, why don’t you take your chance?”

A sigh. “For the same reason that you’ve been avoiding Jungsoo-hyung. Hae is too precious. I can’t lose him.”

“Ah, and aren’t we all the more miserable for it? Such cowards.”

They drink and eat and laugh and somehow, it is half-past 2:00 in the morning and Yesung finds himself answering Heechul’s phone, seeing that his hyung was slumped on the counter totally dead to the world.

“Heechul-ah! Where are you? Your manager just called and-“

“Jungsoo-hyung,” Yesung says, hoping that he’d kept the slur from his voice.

“Jongwoon-ah! What? Are you drunk? Is Heechul? Actually, that’s a stupid question, don’t answer that. Where—“

“Hyung, we’re f-fine. We just lost track of… Can you… I’m sorry, I’m not in a condition to bring him home. I’m…”

Yesung can practically feel Leeteuk sigh. “Send me your exact location.”

—

“Hyung!”

Yesung tries to open his eyes against the pounding of his head, gives up midway, buries his head between his arms and groans.

Someone is shaking his shoulders and calling his name. The voice sounds strangely like Donghae but of course that could not be possible.

He hears other voices as well and Heechul grumbling something about having left his boxers at Leeteuk’s place.

“Hyung,” he hears again and he finally lifts his head and squints at a blurry figure that could only be his dongsaeng.

“Hae, you’re here. Why are you here?”

The blur that was Donghae looked at him in what he assumes was a disapproving manner. “Hyung, you had me worried. You weren’t answering your phone. I had to call Jongjin who told me Jungsoo-hyung called him who told me you called him to take Heechul-hyung home.”

Yesung just blinks at him. “What?”

“Ah, never mind, Hyung. Come on, up you go. Let’s get you home.” A sigh. “I’ve never seen you this drunk since you broke up with… Aaaaaahhhhh.”

Yesung cuts him off, taking a hold of his wrist and pulling him towards him with a surprising strength. When Donghae was close enough, Yesung reached out and held him by the back of his neck.

“Donghae-ah,” he whispers, too far gone to register the deer-in-headlights expression on the other’s face and the blush that was slowly creeping up his face. “Please… don’t talk too much. Hyung’s head hurts.”

And then he slumps forwards and into the other’s arms, who frantically puts his arms around his hyung to keep him from falling off.

Donghae sighs, eyes the lone waiter who was purposefully looking elsewhere. His heart was pounding hard in his chest. What was that about?

“Stupid!” he chastises himself. “What are you thinking? It’s just Yesung-hyung. It’s not like that.” Seriously, what was with him tonight?

“Hyung…” he says, gently shaking the other’s shoulder. “Hyung…”

Yesung only snores in reply.

Donghae sighs, sneaks a glance at Leeteuk who was supporting a barely-awake Heechul with a strange expression - torn between exasperated and fond - looks away, feeling as though he had seen something he wasn’t supposed too.

“Sweet potatoes… Sheep…” A still sleeping Yesung murmurs against his ear and Donghae has to suppress a giggle at his hyung’s silly ramblings. “My Hae-ah… is still the cutest…”

“Hyung!” Donghae exclaims, blushing all the way up to his ear. What was Yesung dreaming about?

Their manager comes to help him then and he is spared from further embarrassment - if only he could forget the feeling of having Yesung that close.

—

Heechul’s phone rings at 1:05 PM. Heechul look around, finds himself alone on his couch. He could’ve sworn he’d seen Leeteuk but there seemed to be no sign of the other man. He decides to ignore whoever was calling when he catches a glimpse of the caller ID. He sighs and picks up.

“Hyung!” Yesung’s frantic voice greets him. “I think I did something stupid!”

“What is it this time?”

“That’s just it, hyung. I- I can’t remember! Jongjin says Donghae helped bring me home last night but when I asked him if I could buy him dinner as thanks, he ignored me! Hyung! He doesn’t ignore me!”

Heechul sighs, tries to decide if it was worth getting up to get a glass of water when he notices a bottle of Gatorade and some paracetamol on his center table, can’t stop smiling in spite of himself.

“Relax, Jongwoon. Breathe. Is Hae even in Korea right now?”

“What—”

“Isn’t he supposed to fly back to Japan today?”

“…”

Heechul takes a gulp from the bottle and downs the tablets. He should really talk to Leeteuk later and apologize. Maybe. For what? He didn’t really know but it was always safer to assume that he did something he should apologize for.

“I still get this feeling that I did something wrong, though,” Yesung says, verbalizing his thoughts.

Heechul sighs for what seemed like the hundredth time. “You and me both, Yesex. You and me both.”

—

Donghae sighs for the hundredth time during their flight. Hyukjae looks at him worriedly.

“Ah, Donghae-ah. Are you ok?”

Donghae blinks, looks away from where he was staring outside the window. He didn’t even have his headphones on and that alone should have sent warning bells sounding through Hyukjae’s head.

“Ah, Hyukkie. I’m fine. Why do you—”

Hyukjae just raises a brow and Donghae gives up his admittedly poor attempt at a lie.

“Fine, I’m okay, just… confused.”

“About what?”

Donghae hesitates, looks around, leans in. “Hyukkie, when we started dating… when did you know… that is… we were friends before we dated but…”

Hyukjae blinks at him. They’d been over for a while, and it was a mutual decision that they worked better as friends, but Donghae wasn’t really the type to ask that sort of question unless something was really bothering him.

“Well, nothing really changed,” Hyukjae  admits. “To be honest, I actually liked you from the start, I thought you knew that, so everything just worked in reverse for us.”

Donghae is stunned for a while. “Well, I guess that makes sense.”

Hyukjae looks at Donghae - there are times when he wonders about the what-could-have-beens but now wasn’t supposed to be that time.

“Is there something you want to talk about, Hae-ah?”

“Yesu-”Donghae sighs, cuts himself off. He twirls the phone he holds in his right hand, looks at it, seeming to contemplate if he should turn it on.

“Hae, if there’s anything, I’ll be here to listen… or beat up whoever’s causing you that much trouble.”

Donghae looks at Hyukjae and laughs. “I really doubt he’ll let you beat him up that easily but thanks, Hyukkie. You’re the best!”

Hyukjae starts to protest but is interrupted by the pilot announcing their arrival. They revert back to being D&E and prepare to greet Japan once again.

—

Heechul yawns all the way back to the van. He really should talk to his manager about his shooting schedule. He was cold and hungry and had a killer migraine and really, was it so much to ask that they at least eat on time? His stomach rumbles unhelpfully as he forcefully yanks the door to their van open, only to be surprised to see as sleeping Leeteuk already in it.

He looks at his manager who just shrugs. “Ah, Heechul-ssi… Leeteuk-ssi insisted that we wait for you. No use getting separate vans when you’re going the same way.”

Heechul sighs, climbs carefully into the van, hesitates before finally sitting beside their leader. He was still in his work-clothes - another MC gig by the looks of it. He was leaning against the window, lights from outside illuminating his face in turn as they go past. Despite the tired lines and the bags under his eyes, Heechul still thinks he’s the most beautiful person he’s ever laid his eyes on.

They hit a bump in the road and Leeteuk is startled awake, looks around confused for a moment, sees Heechul and smiles.

“Heechul-ah, you’re finally done. How’s your head?”

“…”

“Heechul-ah?”

“I’m sorry.”

Leeteuk looks even more confused. “What?”

“I’m sorry. It’s been fifteen years and all I ever do is make you worry.”

Leeteuk just laughs at him and Heechul kind of misses the Leeteuk who’d cry at the smallest heartfelt word from him.

“And you’re saying that now? Chullie-ah, it’s kind of my job to worry.”

“Ah, but still…”

Leeteuk yawns then, tries to hide it but fails. “Ah, I really am getting older. I can’t remember needing this much sleep when we were younger.”

“When we were younger, all we cared about is taking the world by storm and making everyone remember us,” Heechul replies.

“And now we’re old men sharing a van up way past our bedtimes and…” Another yawn. “Seriously, I need a nap. Just wake me up when we get home.”

And Heechul’s eyes widen when Leeteuk casually leans against him, makes himself comfortable against him shoulder, and closes his eyes.

“Thank you, Heechul-ah. I’m glad you stopped running away.”

Heechul coughs, tries to blame the blush on his face on his migraine or his hunger or that fanfic he read on the way to his schedule - anything but how those softly whispered words made him feel like taking Leeteuk in his arms and never letting go.

Heechul settles for looking outside the window and watching the city lights, Leeteuk snoring lightly against his neck.

—

Yesung stares up at the ceiling of his hotel room, his phone showing more than a dozen notifications - emails from his manager, messages from the composer he was collaborating with, Jongjin’s updates, and a rather colorful message exchange with Heechul who was chewing him out for ignoring Donghae.

He didn’t really mean to - he honestly had a lot of things going on.

“Lies! You’re pathetic, avoiding him just because you can’t handle the competition,” Heechul had said the last time they spoke.

“What competition, hyung?” Yesung snaps back. “You talk as if I ever had a chance!”

“Argh, I give up! Wallow in self-pity all you want but stop making Hae worry. Seriously, how does Jungsoo deal with all this?” Heechul had grumbled before hanging  up.

His phone rings and he jumps, answers automatically as he was waiting to hear back from his tour director in Japan, is surprised when he hears a familiar voice.

“Hyung!”

Yesung groans. “Donghae-ah…”

“You finally picked up!”

A sigh. “I’m sorry, I just turned on roaming.”

“And you’ve been ignoring my messages. Hyung, is everything okay?”

Yesung swallows, suppresses the urge to make up an excuse to hang up. “I’m… I’m fine. I’m sorry, I’ve been too busy.” A pause. “Aren’t you supposed to be practicing for your tour? Where’s Hyukjae?”

Donghae laughs. “We have the day off. Hyukkie’s gone exploring and I… I’m glad I finally talked to you, hyung.”

“It’s literally been seven days, Hae,” Yesung can’t help smiling in spite of himself.

“Seven days of you not talking to me is too much! I said I was sorry for not being able to take you up on your offer for dinner.” Yesung could practically hear the pout through the phone.

“I’m sorry, Hae. I really didn’t mean to. It’s really been a busy couple of weeks and…”

"Yeah, yeah. I know. You haven’t been to our Style Tour either…”

"Hae…”

"Well, at least you made time for me on my birthday… and dressing up for Halloween was fun, even if it was only for a while.”

Yesung laughs in spite of himself. “Dressing up, he says. I practically had to force you into it.”

“But at least we matched?”

“You should really stop going as whatever-I’m-dressed-up-as’s food, you know. Few people actually get it.”

“That makes it more fun, though." Donghae laughs. "Ah, I miss you, hyung _._ "

Yesung allows himself a soft smile in return, "Yeah, I miss you too, Hae. Let’s go out for coffee soon."

They talk for a while and Yesung forgets why he’d been avoiding Donghae in the first place.

—

Donghae smiles as he scrolls through SNS using his private account. His phone would vibrate every now and then with message notifications, most of them from Yesung. Things had gone back to normal for them - midnight calls and random song recommendations and Donghae’s daily reminder that Yesung needs to eat something “or else you’ll die, hyung!” Everything was normal and and they were good - that is, until the strangeness of the night Donghae brought Yesung home rears its ugly head at the most unexpected times.

“YeSi?” He sends to Yesung. It was 12:00 midnight in Seoul but a sunny morning in Mexico and, based on Yesung’s SNS updates, Yesung had gone out with Siwon for LPs and coffee.

Donghae watches the “…” appear several times, Yesung typing and retyping before finally sending, “What?”

“YeSi???” Donghae sends again. “You guys seem… chummy.”

“Hae-ah,” Donghae could practically hear Yesung sigh. “It’s fanservice. Our fans like that kind of stuff.”

When Donghae doesn’t answer, Yesung sends again. “Hae, what is this really about?”

“Nothing. Nothing at all, hyung. Look, I have to go. Talk to you later.”

Donghae then switches his phone off and throws it a the far end of his couch. So much for things going back to normal.

—

"It was supposed to be our _thing,_ hyung," he complains to Heechul, who is the only hyung he trusts these days - and that was saying something.

“Donghae, they’re just hanging out,” Heechul sighs. “I don’t see what’s the problem.”

“But hyung—”

“Listen, Donghae-ah. I’ll let you rant my ear off if you answer me this: why?”

“Why?”

“Why is Jongwoon hanging out with other people bothering you like this?”

A pause, a sigh, and Donghae murmurs

Something unintelligible.

“What?”

“It’s not… other people.”

Heechul smirks - it was a start. “So if it’s not other people, it’s only Siwon?”

Donghae is silent.

“How about me? Or Jungsoo? Or Ryeowook? Or Kyuhyun? Or—”

“I don’t know, hyung!” Donghae yells in frustration. “I don’t even understand myself.”

“Donghae-ah… Want to know what I think?”

“…”

“I think you do know the reason why you’re feeling the way you do.”

“…”

“We’re not getting any younger, Donghae-ah. Don’t you think you’ve wasted enough time?”

“…”

“Just be honest - with yourself and with him.”

“Hyung, I’m not…” A sigh. “Alright. Alright. I’m sorry for bothering you, hyung. I’m going to sleep, after all.”

Heechul snorts. “As if I could leave you alone, you brat! I practically birthed you. Just… stop calling me at 2:00 in the morning. I’m not Jongwoon and I won’t be afraid to sic Jungsoo on you the next time he is in a mothering mood.”

“I love you, hyung,” Donghae says then hangs up.

Heechul looks at his phone and sighs. There’s no way he could stay mad at Donghae after that.

—

If Donghae were being honest, this wasn’t the first time he’d had this kind of thoughts.

There’s a moment he tries not to think about, hasn’t talked about with anyone, not even Heechul, which happened the night before he enlisted. Yesung had hosted a sending off party for him and Hyukjae two days before and Donghae’d honestly thought that would’ve been the last he’d see of his hyung for a while. They’d been hanging out more frequently - 24/8, they’d jokingly said - since Yesung’s discharge from military service, and spending that much time off schedule allowed Donghae to discover new things about his hyung.

So he was surprised to receive a message from Jongjin to come hang out with them at one of their friends’ bar. Of course, Donghae agreed and that was how he found himself hours later slightly tipsy and with an extremely drunk Yesung hanging off his shoulder.

“Donghae-ah,” Yesung had slurred.

“Yes, hyung.” Donghae answered automatically, his head pounding.

“You know I love you the most right?”

“Yes, hyung.”

“And I’ll really, really miss you when you go. You know that, right?”

“Yes, hyung.”

Yesung then drew Donghae into a one-armed hug, making Donghae’s head spin at the sudden movement.

“Ah, my beloved dongsaeng. Did you know? If hyung could, hyung would just keep you here, won’t let them t-take you away, no Sir.”

Donghae had sighed. “Hyung, that’s it! We’ve had enough. Come on. Let’s go home.”

Donghae tried to support Yesung, cursing at their friends who thought they needed time alone and ditched them for another bar, promising to see Donghae off the following day.

Yesung staggered out the bar and into the waiting van, Donghae following cautiously behind.

Donghae entered the van and sat beside Yesung’s snoring figure. He stared at the sleeping face of his hyung trying to commit his face to memory - has Yesung always looked so tired? Has he always been this thin?

The van reached Yesung’s apartment and Donghae gently nudged Yesung awake.

“Hyung, we’re here. Let’s get you home.”

Yesung squinted at him then nodded, allowed himself to be escorted through the lobby and up the elevator. They reached the unit Yesung lived in then and Donghae had automatically opened the door with his spare key. Donghae then helped Yesung to his bedroom.

Donghae navigated Yesung’s room by memory through the darkness until he found the bed, laid Yesung on it and sat down at the edge.

Thinking Yesung was already asleep, he allowed himself to watch Yesung again, only to be surprised to find a pair of half-lidded eyes looking at him.

“Hyung,” Donghae had said, flustered for some unidentifiable reason. “I’m… going… I…”

“Donghae-ah,” Yesung said in turn and it was all the warning Donghae got before Yesung pulled him in, pinned him to the bed and kissed him.

Donghae was stunned, heart pounding hard against his chest. ‘This is wrong,’ something told him. ‘He’s your hyung. You’re both drunk off your asses.’

And maybe it was the alcohol talking but Donghae chose to ignore all the warning bells ringing in his head and prepared to return the kiss, only to feel Yesung slump against him asleep.

Donghae could only lie there for a while, thoughts racing about what all these meant and why, until he finally summoned the strength to shift Yesung off himself and stagger away.

The next day, Yesung and Jongjin sent him off, the elder with a massive hangover. Yesung had clasped his arm and wished him luck, back to the reliable if not sometimes temperamental hyung he’d been to Hae all their lives, and Donghae wondered if he’d just imagined everything.

—

Heechul’s phone rings at 4:00 AM. Heechul grumbles but picks up.

“I swear to god if this is Donghae or Jongwoon or any of you brats, I’ll…”

“Heechul-ah… Can you please open the door?”

Heechul sits up, fully awake all of a sudden. “Jungsoo… What the fuck? Aren’t you supposed to be in Mexico or Bangkok or I don’t know, anywhere but here?”

He checks his monitor and yes, there was Jungsoo, Shimkoong in one arm and a bag in the other. He rakes a hand through his hair and opens his door.

Leeteuk smiles tiredly at him. “I’m sorry for waking you. It’s just that I have to fly out again today and couldn’t find anyone to babysit Koongie.”

Heechul eyes Shimkoong doubtfully. “I thought she didn’t like me.”

Leeteuk laughs, “Ah, I didn’t think you’d still be holding a grudge against her. Please, Heechul. See, I even brought breakfast.”

Leeteuk gives him a smile, you know, that smile that would make Heechul do anything for him.

“Fine, both of you can come in. Just watch where you’re going and don’t step on Heebum.”

“Thank you,” Leeteuk says as he walks in. “Are the other members giving you a hard time?”

Heechul sits at his dining table and snorts. “Not all of them - only two.”

“Ah, let me guess - Donghae and Jongwoon?”

Heechul rolls his eyes. “I don’t know why but they seem to have this impression that I could give them the answers they need without talking to each other.” He lets out a long-suffering sigh, lays his head on the table. “Since when have I been the go-to guy? This was supposed to be your job.”

Leeteuk just laughs at him, taking out containers from his bag and helping himself to Heechul’s kitchen. “Well, I’m glad they have someone like you to turn to. Thank you, Heechul-ah.”

Heechul screams into the table. No, he wasn’t blushing, goddamnit.

—

Yesung frowns at his phone. His messages to Donghae had remained unread since the last time they talked. Donghae has been active on their group chat, though, and on SNS. So yeah, Yesung wasn’t being paranoid — Donghae really was ignoring him.

He’d landed in Bangkok almost an hour ago with Siwon, Ryeowook, and Shindong, and they were now on their way to practice. Donghae and Hyukjae, who had flown in from Japan, were already there.

Yesung was honestly confused.

Ever since that night he went out for drinks with Heechul, something seemed to have changed between Donghae and himself. There seemed to be something weird hanging over them - though Yesung couldn’t figure out exactly what it was or why it was even there. His feelings for Donghae couldn’t be the problem - he has long ago resigned himself to them being unrequited - and surely, if he’d done something to upset or hurt Donghae, the other would’ve confronted him already by now, as he used to.

“Hyung, are you okay?” Siwon asks from beside him.

Yesung manages a smile. “Yeah, I just don’t do so well with long flights.”

Siwon gives his shoulder a reassuring squeeze before he turns to open their van. They have arrived.

—

Donghae frowns as he sips his water, watching Yesung laugh at something Siwon had whispered to him. Shindong had called a 30-minute break to go over things with Hyukjae and the rest of them were resting.

“You’re pouting, hyung,” Ryeowook calls him out.

“Ah, Wookie-ah! I didn’t see you there!”

Ryeowook snorts. “If that’s supposed to be a dig at my height…”

“Ah, no. I’m just… Hey, who said I was pouting?”

“Me. And yes, you were pouting, hyung, have been ever since we got here. Is everything okay with you and Yesung-hyung?”

Donghae sighs. “What makes you think this is about Yesung-hyung?”

Ryeowook actually laughs at him. “When has anything that made you act that way ever not been about Yesung-hyung?”

Donghae coughs. “I don’t know what you mean, Wookie-ah.” Continues to sip his water as nonchalantly as possible.

“Omo, did Siwon-hyung just kiss Yesung-hyung?”

Donghae drops his bottle, turns around to find Yesung actually talking to Leeteuk. Siwon was nowhere in sight.

Ryeowook looks at Donghae mischievously. “Oops, it must have been my imagination but thanks for confirming something for me, hyung.”

“Wookie-ah!!!”

“So tell me again that this isn’t about Yesung-hyung.”

Donghae full on pouts this time, a blush spreading across his face. “It’s not. Stop being nosy.”

Ryeowook sighs, shakes his head and pats his hyung’s head before making his way to the others. “Keep telling yourself that, hyung.”

Donghae frowns when he hears his dongsaeng add, “But at the rate you two are going,  I just may end up owing Kyu-kyu a couple of drinks after all.”

—

Donghae tosses and turns as he tries to fall asleep. His body was tired and he knew he needed to rest but his mind kept turning and his heart kept hurting so no, it didn’t seem he was going to get any sleep tonight.

If he were to be honest, he knew exactly what he was feeling. He just couldn’t figure out why - why now, after all these years? Why over Yesung, who was his brother in all but blood? And what did that even mean? What did that say about him, feeling the way he did?

He sits up, rakes his hand through his hair in frustration. He needed to do something to take his mind off things so he decides to go for a walk.

But then he opens his door just at the very moment Yesung walks past his room. Yesung looks up from his phone and they both freeze.

“Hae,” Yesung is the first to break the silence.

“Hyung,” Donghae says carefully, afraid that Yesung could somehow read his thoughts.

“Why are you still awake?”

“Ah, I could ask you the same thing.”

“Jet lag,” Yesung says and grimaces. “Plus my whole body aches and my back is killing me.”

“Oh,” Donghae says, automatically reaching up to massage Yesung’s shoulders as he was used to.

Yesung startles at the contact, then relaxes and gives Donghae a small smile. “Don’t worry, I’m just waiting for the meds to kick in and then I could sleep. Maybe.”

Donghae sighs. “You should really take better care of yourself, hyung.” A pause. “Do you want to come in? I might have something for the pain and it’s not like I can sleep right now.”

Yesung looks surprised. “Hae, are we…” He bites his lip. “Okay, but just until you fall asleep.”

—

Yesung steps tentatively into Donghae’s hotel room. He realizes that it has actually been a while since they had seen each other like this.

Yesung sits on the bed and watches Donghae look through his suitcase. He emerges with a bottle of ointment and some plaster strips.

“I guess I’d have to thank your Mom for making you bring those with you,” Yesung says, trying to make the atmosphere lighter.

Donghae shrugs, settling beside Yesung and gesturing for him to turn around. Yesung does and he feels Donghae lift up the back of his shirt. Yesung sighs when Donghae starts to gently massage his upper back, the smell of the ointment as soothing as his touch.

Donghae is silent all throughout and Yesung is reminded of how things were. He decides to bite the bullet.

“You’re mad at me,” he says. It wasn’t a question.

Donghae stops his movements. Yesung wonders if he made another mistake.

“No,” Donghae says.

“Then why have things been this way between us?”

A long pause.

“I don’t know, hyung.”

And there was something in Donghae’s tone that made Yesung want to turn around. He stops himself.

“Donghae, please. I know you’re upset.” Yesung sighs. “Whatever I did, will you be able to forgive me?”

Donghae is silent before Yesung feels him approach and lean his head against Yesung’s shoulder.

“You know I’d forgive you for anything, hyung,” Donghae’s voice is strained, as if trying not to cry, and Yesung’s heart hurts. “I’m sorry… I just need time to think. This isn’t the first time...”

Donghae sounds so confused, Yesung wants to just turn around and gather him in his arms.

“Ah,” Yesung says instead. “I miss you, Hae.”

Donghae does not answer.

—

“Come away with me,” Hyukjae tells Donghae on the flight back. They were seated together as usual, some distance away from the others.

Donghae was relieved.

The encore was a success and Donghae was thankful he was able to pull it off in spite of all the things going on.

Things had ended pretty awkwardly the night before - Yesung had left after thanking him for his help - and there were times today when he felt his hyung’s eyes on him. It didn’t help when the other members’ rowdiness made him lose his footing during Runaway and stumble back into Yesung. Yesung had wrapped his arms around Donghae then to steady him and, presumably, to keep them from knocking into Heechul who was starting to lose steam. Donghae had spent a good part of the day trying to forget that feeling.

“Donghae?”

Donghae blinks, remembers that Hyukjae had asked him a question.

“Ah, I’m sorry. What did you say?”

Hyukjae sighs. “I said, let’s go on a vacation. You’ve been living inside your head too often lately. Maybe a change of scenery will do you good. We might even get away with charging it to the company as a celebration for the end of our tour.”

“So you’re just inviting me as an excuse to spend the label’s money?” Donghae laughs. “Well, I’ve always wanted to go to Hawaii.”

Hyukjae nods. “Okay. I’ll ask someone to book it.” A pause. “Seriously though, what’s wrong?”

Donghae hesitates.

“Hyukkie, why do feelings have to change?”

Hyukjae blinks. He wasn’t expecting something like this.

“Well, haven’t you considered that maybe it’s you who has changed? What if your feelings have been the same all this time but you’re only figuring out what they actually are as time goes by?”

Donghae looks at him. “Hyukjae-ah, that is actually… have you been reading self-help books again?”

Hyukjae rolls his eyes. “Seriously, Hae. I worry about you. Does this still have something to do with what you asked me on the way to Japan?”

“Ah, it’s nothing,” Donghae smiles at him. “Thanks for worrying about me, Hyukkie, and for inviting me on a trip.”

Hyukjae sighs, sees Yesung staring at them from the aisle, and suddenly everything makes sense.

—

“Uh-oh,” Leeteuk says from where he’s seated on Heechul’s couch. Heechul looks at him from where he was trying to make his Blu Ray player work. They’d played rock-paper-scissors to decide who should pick tonight’s movie. Heechul had won so it looked like they’d be watching Kimi no Na Wa again.

Heechul raises a brow, tries to control the blush creeping up his cheeks - the sight of Leeteuk in a white fluffy hoodie against his red couch never fails to render his speechless.

“Donghae and Hyukjae are in Hawaii together.”

Heechul shrugs. “And so? At least their fans would have something to get excited about.  It’s not like they’re getting married or something.”

Leeteuk looks at him, unimpressed.

“What? They are? And those brats didn’t even invite us.”

Leeteuk sighs. Sometimes, Heechul needed someone to spell things out for him.

“Heechul, they’ve been over for a while.” A pause. “I wonder how Jongwoon is taking this.”

The microwave goes off and Heechul is spared from replying for a while. He comes back with a big bowl of popcorn practically swimming in melted butter and plops down beside Leeteuk.

Leeteuk looks at him judgingly before taking a handful and popping it into his mouth.

“Well, as long as he’s not crashing our movie night, maybe I’ll let him live.”

“Heechul!”

“What? Maybe this is the push he needs to get off his butt and actually do something!”

Leeteuk sighs.

“Either that or we get a bunch of angsty ballads on unrequited love in his next two albums.”

“You worry too much, Jungsoo.”

“I worry enough for the two of us.”

Heechul laughs. “Yeah, you do.”

‘And I love you all the more for it,’ he doesn’t say.

He pushes “play”.

—

Kyuhyun sends a message to their group chat at around 3:47 AM KST containing nothing but a link to a YouTube video. It was set on “private”.

“Really, does nobody ever sleep?” Hyukjae wonders. He, Donghae and Donghwa were having a late breakfast at their hotel lobby.

Donghae stares apprehensively at his phone, exchanges looks with Hyukjae. “Did Kyu just hack into Heechul-hyung’s YouTube channel? Wait, since when does Heechul-hyung even have a YouTube channel?”

Hyukjae shrugs and clicks the link.

Donghae frowns at the video, “Is that..? Since when did Yesung-hyung go back to black hair?”

Hyukjae laughs, “Oh my god! They’re so fucking drunk!”

Donghae frowns some more. “I would’ve thought he was going to be busy…”

“Yeah, he’s busy alright. Oh my god, this is priceless. Aish, these hyungs!”

The video showed Leeteuk, Heechul, and Yesung having what seemed to be an impromptu drunk karaoke party at Heechul’s place.

“To be fair, they sound pretty good for some drunk ahjussis,” Hyukjae comments.

Donghae watches Yesung croon drunkenly into the microphone, dark eyes half lidded in his inebriated state.

 

_“I'll be okay, I've always been like this, even the brushing past of your hand makes me happy like this,_

_Tears fall again, even at your playfulness, because I have to stay by your side just as your most comfortable friend.”_

 

Donghae suddenly turns off the video, face red. “I… I have to go.”

Hyukjae and Donghwa watch him leave.

Donghwa looks questioningly at Hyukjae, who just shrugs and goes back to watching the video of the SJ hyung line singing what was supposed to be “Angela” at the top of their lungs.

—

Yesung stares blankly at his phone. His head was killing him but he still couldn’t sleep. Heechul and Leeteuk were slumped against each other on the couch, snoring lightly.

At any other moment, Yesung would have taken the chance to snap a photo - oh, who was he kidding, they’d somehow filmed an entire video using Heechul’s equipment and maybe that was enough for tonight.

Yesung keeps on looking at his phone, Donghae’s contact details and photo staring back at him. Somehow, Yesung knew calling him right now wouldn’t be a good idea.

He wasn’t going to lie - the news that Donghae had gone on a trip with Hyukjae stung. He was only caught off guard by how much. He’d been holding onto these feelings for so long, he’d thought he would’ve gotten used to it by now.

Apparently he hadn’t, which was why he found himself driving all the way to Trimage with bottles of soju and some takeaway. Heechul had thrown the door open angrily but somehow softened when he saw it was him. Yesung snorts. He really must’ve looked horrible for Heechul’s mood to do a complete 180 degree change. Heechul showed him in and the rest was history.

On hindsight, maybe it wasn’t such a good idea. Kyu had somehow gotten a hold of the link to the video and now everyone must know how pathetic he is.

He sigh. Donghae’s smiling face seemed to taunt him.

Yesung curses. He knows he’s going to regret this in the morning but he does it anyway.

He presses “call”.

—

Donghae stares at his phone, the breeze blowing through his hair. Yesung’s contact details stare up at him. The video had shaken him more than he would admit, Yesung’s raw emotions calling out to him.

It had been a few hours before Donghwa and Hyukjae finally coaxed him out of his hotel room and they were now taking an early dinner cruise through the bay.

He almost drops his phone when it rings, has to rub his eyes to make sure he wasn’t hallucinating. Yesung’s name is spelled clearly on the screen.

The fireworks start in the distance and Donghae picks up.

“Hyung,” he says by way of greeting.

“Donghae,” Yesung says back and for a moment they are silent, just listening to each other breathe.

“Hyung,” Donghae finally says. “Are you still there?”

He hears Yesung laugh. “Ah, my Donghae-ah. Yes, I’m still here. My head hurts and I’m drunk off my ass but I just had to call you because I have to tell you something before I regain my senses.”

Donghae clutches his phone to his ears, his heart beating louder than the fireworks they’d gotten closer to.

“Lee Donghae…” Yesung whispers.

Donghae stops breathing.

“I…”

Suddenly, fireworks burst all around the yacht.

“… in … you.”

Donghae almost cries at the static the kept him from hearing the other, has to wait for the fireworks to die down before saying.

“Hyung, I’m sorry. The fireworks… I didn’t… Hyung, what did you say?”

He hears Yesung laugh from the other end of the line.

“Nothing, Hae-ah. Just ramblings of an old fool. Take care of yourself.”

He hangs up.

—

It takes almost a week after Donghae returns to Korea before he gets to see Yesung again. All his calls go to voice mail, all his messages remain unread, and Donghae has resorted to calling Jongjin on a daily basis and stalking Yesung on SNS to make sure Yesung was still alive.

“Come to the studio, hyung,” Jongjin had messaged him early in the morning. “He’ll be recording in the afternoon.”

Which is why Donghae finds himself descending the familiar flight of steps towards their recording studio in spite of his schedule. He enters the recording room and greets Jongjin.

Yesung had already started recording, the familiar soothing voice of his hyung echoing throughout the room.

Donghae stands just out of sight and watches, heartbeat once against speeding up in spite of himself. The sight of Yesung working hard to record a song has always captivated him even before all this and he takes a short video he plans to post on SNS later.

Donghae jumps when Jongjin places a hand on his shoulder.

“Hyung, you made it.”

Donghae smiles weakly. “Yeah. Thank you for letting me know.”

Silence.

“So, you found him,” Jongjin says. “What now?”

Donghae blushes. “I… honestly did not really think that far, Jongjin-ah.”

Jongjin sighs. “Listen, hyung, whatever’s going on between you guys.. Just know that I’ll support you all the way.”

Donghae blushes even more. “Going on? What? Me and…?”

Jongjin laughs. “You don’t have to hide it. I know he confessed to you over the phone while drunk and though that could have gone better please don’t doubt hyung’s feelings, whether you return them or not.”

“Confessed? His feelings? But he did not…”

Yesung finishes recording then, takes off his head phones and freezes.

Donghae meets his eyes through the glass.

“Yesung confessed… his feelings… Yesung’s feelings…”

The revelation keeps repeating in his head.

Suddenly, Donghae finds it hard to breathe.

He runs.

—

Heechul was supposed to spend a relaxing day gaming. His schedule for the day has been cancelled and he suddenly found himself looking for something to do. Too bad Leeteuk wasn’t around. It would’ve been nice to get lunch together. Heechul sighs. Yeah, he really was going soft in his old age.

He is surprised when someone rings his doorbell. He peers at his phone and finds around 15 messages from Donghae and 3 missed calls from Yesung. Yesung had a scheduled recording as far as Heechul knew so his guess was that it was Donghae.

What he didn’t expect was a frantic, crying Donghae on the verge of a panic attack. Donghae was, surprisingly, one of the more resilient members of their group despite being known as a cry baby so the see him breaking down…

He helps the other to his couch, hugs him, and rubs his back soothingly. He remembers doing this for Leeteuk during their younger years, wonders what could have happened to make Donghae like this.

He eyes his phone which vibrates with several messages from Yesung.

Heechul sighs. Of course.

Yesung had been acting strange when he left the morning after their karaoke session. Not just hungover-strange but strange-strange. Heechul was sure he’d seen his dongsaeng slap himself several times, muttering curses under his breath. He then proceeded to hide from everyone for almost a week.

Donghae seemed to have calmed down now as he was trying to apologize to Heechul in between sobs.

“Hyung, I’m sorry. There was no one. I panicked and I ran and oh god, what am I going to do, hyung?”

“Donghae, relax,” Heechul says gently. “You don’t have to tell me anything. Just breathe. You shouldn’t be apologizing either.”

“Hyung, Yesung-hyung… He… Hyung, did you know that he… he…”

Heechul sighs. “Likes you? Thinks the world of you? Would go to the ends of the earth for you?”

“He…”

“I don’t know why you’re just realizing it now but I’d say it’s about damn time and now you just have to tell him that you feel the same way.”

“…”

“Don’t you, Hae?”

“I… I ran.”

“What?”

“Yesung-hyung confessed… but I didn’t hear him… and then Jongjin told me… but I couldn’t face him. Not yet. I’m scared, hyung.”

“Of what, Hae? Of Jongwoon’s feelings? Of your own?”

“I don’t know, hyung. I don’t even understand my own feelings. It’s like I woke up one day and there they were.”

“Are they?”

“…”

A sigh. “Hae, you don’t have to tell me but please be honest with yourself.”

“…”

“Ah, this is so frustrating! Let me make a call and then we’re hanging out just like the old days.”

“So… video games and takeout?”

Heechul smiles. “Something like that.”

—

Hyukjae watches Yesung and Donghae sneak glances at each other from opposite sides of the practice room. They were currently on break but, for some reason, everyone was unusually quiet.

He would’ve expected it from Yesung who usually got like that when he was working on his music but even Heechul-hyung seemed to be in an unusual mood.

He’d come back refreshed from his solo trip to Paris and was actually excited to work again with the other members. He’d seen Yesung for Under Nineteen but other than that, this was the first time he’d been in the same room with all the others.

“Hyung,” he turns to Shindong who was fiddling with his laptop, checking their formations. “What’s going on?”

Shindong gives him a look. “You know I’m the worst person to ask. I barely keep up with what’s happening with anyone else’s life.”

Hyukjae raises a brow.

Shindong sighs. “I can only guess but it seems like Yesung-hyung and Donghae are avoiding each other, most likely because they think they each did something that the other is angry for. Based on how protective Heechul-hyung has gotten over Donghae, he either thinks it’s Yesung-hyung’s fault or something had happened to Donghae that had worried him to the point of mothering. The rest of us just try to stay out of it.” A pause and they watch Leeteuk approach Yesung and they go off somewhere.

Hyukjae frowns, thinking back to the call Donghae got when they were on vacation. Donghae had been trying to reach Yesung since then only to be ignored. Now, it seemed that the avoidance was mutual. So what happened? He started to rise when Shindong called him back.

“Ah, Hyukjae-ah,” Shindong says cryptically. “Whatever you’re thinking of doing, just be careful. I have a bad feeling about all this.”

Hyukjae shivers in spite of himself. Shindong’s premonitions were not something to laugh at.

“I’ll try not to rock the boat too much then,” Hyukjae promises as he walks towards Donghae and Heechul.

—

Yesung leans against the wall nearest the door, watching Leeteuk take a seat. Leeteuk had led him to an unused office and that alone should’ve made Yesung nervous.

“Have a seat, Jongwoon,” Leeteuk says in his “leader” voice.

Yesung sighs, “Listen, hyung, if this is about Donghae…”

Leeteuk sighs. “Jongwoon, I wouldn’t have called you in here if this were about… Anyway, management has asked me to relay a message.”

Yesung frowns.

“They want you to release a Korean album as well.”

“But, hyung, I’m…”

“I know. I told that it might be too much but this might be the only opportunity.”

Yesung sighs, finally takes a seat. “They really want to kill me, don’t they?”

Leeteuk sighs. “Aish, Jongwoon…”

“Fine, I’ll do it. Like you said, this might be the last… only time to do it. But god, I’m so tired.”

Silence and then…

“You should really talk to Donghae though.”

Yesung groans. “Hyung, I thought this wasn’t about Donghae.”

Leeteuk gives him a sympathetic smile. “I know. I’m saying this not as your leader but as your friend. I can see how much it’s taking a toll on you, on the both of you. Why don’t you just…”

Yesung sighs. “It’s not that easy, hyung. If there’s anything I’ve learned the hard way, it’s that there are things that are better left alone. I thought at least you would understand.”

“But you’re…”

“I won’t cause any trouble and I’ll start working on the Korean album just… I’m so tired, hyung. I can’t help feeling the way I do for him but I can sure as hell do everything to avoid burdening him with my feelings. Maybe this is for the best.”

“Okay,” Leeteuk finally says. “Okay.

Hyukjae sends a message to their group chat announcing the end of the break.

“Let’s go back.”

—

The rehearsal ends and Donghae finds himself feeling exhausted. Being in the same room with Yesung and pretending nothing was wrong really took a lot out of him. He refuses an invitation to go out to dinner with Hyukjae, Shindong, and Ryeowook, decides to get takeout on the way home. He checks his wallet out of reflex and finds that it isn’t there.

He calls out to his manager and informs him that he was going to go look for his wallet, which he most probably left at the studio.

Donghae enters the studio and is surprised to find that someone was still there.

_“Ano hi no kanashimi sae_

_(Even that sadness of that day)_

_Ano hi no kurushimi sae_

_(Even the pain of that day)_

_Sono subete wo aishiteta anata to tomo ni_

_(I loved everything (since I was) together with you)_

_Mune ni nokoro hanarenai nigai lemon no niyoi_

_(The bitter scent of lemon is the only thing that refuses to leave)_

_Ame ga furiyamu made wa kaerenai_

_(Until the rain stops, I can’t make my way home)_

_Ima demo anata wa watashi no hikari_

_(Even now, you are my light).”_

 

Donghae watches Yesung rehearse an unfamiliar song. The song is in Japanese yet the melancholic lyrics and haunting melody, coupled with Yesung’s raspy voice without any accompaniment, somehow makes Donghae choke up.

Yesung trails off and Donghae realizes he has been spotted.

They stare at each other for a while before Yesung finally breaks the silence.

“Donghae-ah,” Yesung’s voice sounds strange. “Can we talk?”

Yesung walks towards him and Donghae’s instincts tell him to make a run for it.

Yesung stops a respectful distance away and Donghae somehow manages to remain where he was.

“Look, Donghae-ah. It’s been a crazy couple of weeks. The stress of preparing for concerts and my albums somehow made me do or say things that I wasn’t supposed to and I’m very sorry if I caused you any trouble.”

Donghae hears the words Yesung says but it all sounds rehearsed and distant to him.

“W-what?”

“I guess what I’m saying is… I’m sorry things have gotten strange between us and I accept that to be my fault.”Yesung gives him a sad smile. “Can we just forget everything that has happened recently and go back to how we were?”

“…”

“Donghae-ah, are you…”

Donghae reaches up to wipe at the tears that were falling down his face. He hadn’t even realized he had started crying. He turns his back on Yesung.

“I’m sorry, hyung. I forgot my wallet and I just… I’m sorry for disturbing your rehearsal. I… I have to go.”

Donghae walks hurriedly out of the room, tears still falling, a part of him wishing Yesung would call out to him.

He doesn’t.

Donghae makes his way down the corridor, hearing Yesung continue his singing.

 

_“Jibun ga omou yori_

_(More than I myself thought)_

_Koi wo shiteta anata ni_

_(I was in love with you)_

_Arakara omou you ni_

_(More than I expected, because of that)_

_Iki ga dekinai_

_(I cannot breathe)”_

 

Donghae slams the door on his way out.

—

Yesung still remembers it like it was yesterday, the day he met Donghae, that summer in his third year of middle school.

He even remembers thinking, “Ah, what is a primary school kid doing here?”

Donghae skipped up to him wearing a toothy smile, “Ah! You’re the hyung with that golden voice! Everyone’s been talking about you!”

Yesung was taken aback. People weren’t just that friendly where he came from.

“A-ah.”

“My name is Donghae. Lee Donghae.” Donghae beams at him. “And you?”

“What?”

“Your name, hyung?”

“Ah, it’s Jongwoon. Kim Jongwoon.”

Donghae looks confused for a while but he eventually resumes smiling. “Nice to meet you, Kim Jongwoon-hyung with the golden voice.”

Their early years seem like a blur to Yesung now but there are moments he can still clearly remember - the day he was told he could never be good enough; the day he decided to stay in spite of it; the day he was told he was going to debut with a group that would last for only a year and suffering through the period when his efforts as main vocal weren’t recognized; the day he had to let go of his girlfriend who had been cheating on him for the longest time; his enlistment. Donghae had been with him through all that and if someone were to ask him when exactly he fell in love, he wouldn’t be able to give a clear answer.

He knows when he realized it though, had a sudden epiphany amidst the drunken haze. The night before Donghae had enlisted, he remembers clearly pushing the other against his bed and kissing him as though it was the one thing he had wanted to do his whole life.

He doesn’t remember what happened after and Donghae never said anything so he had just blamed it on the alcohol and moved on with his life. Or, at least, he tried to.

Because the seed was already planted and the feelings festered and there were nights when Yesung would startle awake, the feeling of Donghae’s lips against his fresh in his mind.

And Donghae, as well, refused to be forgotten, calling him when he could, spending his precious holidays with him whenever he asked.

But never did Yesung dare to hope, never had he admitted feeling the way he did to anyone. That is, until the morning of Donghae’s birthday when Heechul called him out. On hindsight, maybe he should’ve denied it even then because somehow, verbalizing his feelings made them real and the years he’d kept them to himself suddenly seemed so long.

“I’m so tired,” he had told Leeteuk and it was the truth. But a greater truth was that he would rather pretend and hide his feelings than lose Donghae altogether.

He sighs, walks to his bathroom sink, splashes water on his face. He looks at himself in the mirror, all tired lines and red-rimmed eyes, a face he sometimes does not recognize.

“Yes,” he tells his reflection. “Things are better off this way.”

—

Donghae makes his way to their hotel room lobby for breakfast. An event has taken them out of Korea again and, as expected, Yesung couldn’t come with them.

Leeteuk had announced the plan for Yesung’s back-to-back comeback and Donghae can’t help but wince in sympathy. Preparing for one album was already too stressful. He couldn’t imagine how the perfectionist in Yesung would deal with having to write and record songs for two albums within such a short period.

Donghae sighs. He’d been mad at Yesung the last time they spoke, alone in that studio that fateful night. But when the anger subsided and after almost two days of locking himself in his unit, he realized that he was being unfair. Yesung didn’t say what he did to hurt him - no, the hyung he knew was too kindhearted for that - and as far as Yesung knew, Donghae didn’t hear his supposed confession.

“What are you so scared of?” Heechul had asked him.

Apparently it was exactly that - them going back to the way they were as though nothing has changed.

He sighs yet again, barely registers the presence of someone sitting in front of him.

“What did your coffee ever do to you, hyung?”

It was Ryeowook.

“Ah, Wookie-ah. Don’t scare me like that.”

“Penny for your thoughts?” Ryeowook asks as he butters his bread.

Donghae smiles at him. “I’d think my thoughts were worth more than a penny.”

“True, but I have a feeling I already know what you’re thinking about.”

Donghae raises a brow. “Really? What is it then?”

“Love,” Ryeowook says knowingly and, somehow, it is enough to send Donghae sputtering in denial.

Ryeowook laughs. “Don’t worry, hyung. I know exactly how it feels - like seeing someone as though for the first time. How you find yourself waking up one day and realizing that he is the one most precious to you, that you want to wake up to his smile and keep him beside you for as long as you can.”

Donghae is speechless for a moment.

“Wookie-ah,” Donghae finally whispers. “Are you in love with… Is it Yesung-hyung?”

Ryeowook blinks at him then laughs, “Oh my god, no! What? No! I can’t…”

Donghae is not sure whether to feel annoyed or relieved.

“What’s so funny?”

Ryeowook tries to stop laughing… “Your face… You looked almost as if… Are you crying, hyung?”

“No,” Donghae says, tries to surreptitiously wipe the tear that had actually fallen. “You’re just imagining things.”

A soft hand envelopes his own and he looks up to see nothing but understanding in his dongsaeng’s eyes.

“It’s not Yesung-hyung,” another knowing smile. “He… already has someone who is most precious to him and I’m not very good at playing second.”

Donghae’s breath catches in his throat for some undefinable reason. “Then… Who?”

Ryeowook blushes then. “Ah, isn’t it obvious?”

Donghae swallows. “Wookie-ah, I’m flattered but…”

Ryeowook hits him then. “Pabo, hyung! I was talking about Kyu!”

“Kyu…hyun?”

Ryeowook nods. “Ah. We’ve been avoiding the issue for years but this time, when Kyu is discharged, I’ve decided to confess.”

“Wookie-ah…”

“I know it’s risky and I know it can hurt but what if… what if…” A sigh. “I guess I just don’t want to have any regrets.”

Silence, and then.

“You should also tell him, hyung,” Ryeowook finally says.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Wookie-ah.”

“You should talk to Yesung-hyung. Try again. It may seem like he has given up but you never know.”

“…”

“Take a chance, hyung. You’ve finally understood them anyway right - your feelings?”

—

Donghae panics when he sees Yesung’s cryptic SNS posts.

He’d been exchanging messages with Jongjin - the other was worried he may have said something he shouldn’t - and Donghae had taken the chance to ask how Yesung was.

“Stressed,” Jongjin had said. “Barely allows himself to eat or sleep or breathe. Buries himself in composing and recording and rehearsals. I don’t know why he’s acting like this again. I’m actually afraid for him.”

Donghae sighs, rakes a hand through his hair in frustration. Yesung had been getting better at taking care of himself. Why was he doing this to himself now?

“So please, Donghae-hyung,” Jongjin continues. “Can’t you talk to him? He barely listens to anybody.”

‘What makes you think he’ll listen to me?’ Donghae wants to ask.

“I’ll try,” he tells Jongjin before he has to turn off his phone.

A few hours later and he’s back in Korea. The first thing he does is check SNS and Yesung’s latest update shakes him to the core.

The car doors have barely closed and he is calling Yesung.

“Donghae-ah?” he hears Yesung’s raspy voice and it pushes him over the edge.

“Hyung! You’re okay! I thought… Oh my god, I thought I was too late… I…” And he sobs, drawing confused glances from his manager.

“Hae, calm down. Breathe,” and it is only then that Donghae realizes he is hyperventilating. “Where are you?”

“Car… Airport… I… Can I see you?”

Yesung hesitates for a moment.

“Okay,” he finally says. “Okay but it’s too late tonight and…”

“Hyung, please. I want to see you. I want to make sure that…”

Yesung sighs. “It’s okay, Hae. I’m okay. Look, if this is about what I posted on SNS…”

“I’m sorry,” Donghae says and then… “I love you,” and it’s such a relief to finally say it, to admit it to Yesung as much as to himself, but Yesung only laughs like all those times in the past that Donghae had said it, not understanding that this time was different. This time wasn’t habit or fanservice or him trying to change the subject. Yesung really was serious about forgetting all that had happened and it hurt.

“Fine. You win,” Yesung says in a resigned tone. “See you later then.”

Donghae wonders if he could take everything back.

—

Donghae is considerably calmer when he finds himself riding the familiar elevator to Yesung’s apartment. It was a low-rise building in the outskirts of Seoul - a far cry from his fancy unit at Trimage - and really not one you’d expect an internationally famous idol to live in.

He gets off at Yesung’s floor, walks the remaining steps to Yesung’s apartment and knocks on the door.

The door opens to reveal Yesung in a black tank top and soft pajama bottoms, disheveled hair, and a tentative smile.

“Welcome back, Hae.” Yesung says.

And it sounds so honest, like something Yesung would have said before this mess, that Donghae finds himself crying again, takes the other by surprise by wrapping his arms around his shoulders and sobbing against his neck. It seems like forever before he feels a hand raise to stroke his hair, Yesung’s other arm going around his waist.

Donghae feels that he should be embarrassed being this emotional, practically throwing himself at his hyung knowing what he now did but he can’t bring himself to care.

Yesung is warm and solid against him, a firm reminder that he really was here and he was okay and it is only then that Donghae realizes where they are - standing at Yesung’s doorstep with the door open. He blushes but refuses to let go.

Yesung seems to come to his senses as well.

“Come on, Hae. Let’s go inside,” Yesung says, trying to get Donghae to let go. Somehow, this makes Donghae cling to him even more and Yesung gives an exasperated sigh.

“Please… Don’t you think we’ve given the neighbors more than enough to talk about.”

Donghae does look up at him then, eyes puffy and nose red.

“Hyung, your parents and Jongjin live next door.”

Yesung laughs then and Donghae finds that he’d missed that laugh.

“Exactly,” Yesung says. “And getting a lecture from my Mom first thing in the morning for making you cry isn’t exactly on my schedule for tomorrow.”

A pause and Yesung reaches out to gently wipe the tears from Donghae’s cheek.

“That seems to be all I ever do lately -  make you cry,” Yesung says sadly. “Hyung is sorry, Hae-ah. Can I ever make it up to you?”

Donghae leans into the touch, stops himself from confessing yet again. Now wasn’t the time, he understood - not when Yesung seemed so set on playing the role of a good hyung.

“I don’t know about that,” he says instead.

Yesung freezes, begins to draw away.

Donghae doesn’t let him, reaches up to clasp Yesung’s hand against his cheek.

“I don’t know about that but some coffee would be a good place to start.”

Yesung smiles.

—

Heechul shows up at Leeteuk’s apartment unannounced. Leeteuk opens his door, isn’t given a chance to protest before Heechul is dragging him to the elevator.

“Heechul-ah, what—”

“You’ve been moping,” Heechul says, as if that explained everything. “You and Jongwoon both…”

Leeteuk looks away. “I’m sorry, I…”

“I didn’t say it to make you feel sorry. God, I suck at this.”

Heechul then brings out his phone and sends a message one-handed, still keeping a hold on Leeteuk’s arm, not taking any chances that Leeteuk might escape.

“Meet up at the dorm in 20 minutes,” Heechul had sent to their group chat.

“Okay,” Shindong replies.

“Got it!” that was Hyukjae.

“Sorry, can’t come,” Ryeowook says. “Kinda dying here.”

“I kinda live here,” Kyuhyun says. “Don’t I get a say?”

“What’s wrong, hyung?” Siwon says. “I’m on my way. Do you guys need anything?”

Yesung and Donghae are strangely silent.

Heechul tries to call Donghae and finds that his phone is unattended.

Heechul calls Hyukjae instead.

“Hyukjae-ah, can you go drag Donghae’s ass to the dorm for me? I can’t reach him.”

“On it, hyung,” Hyukjae says and hangs up.

“Heechul-ah…”

Heechul sighs. “Listen, Jungsoo. I don’t want you to even think for a second that you are alone. Me and the kids, we’ll always be here for you. All you have to do is call.”

“Heechul-ah, are you doing all this to cheer me up?”

Heechul blushes and refuses to look at him all the way to the waiting van.

—

Donghae wakes up in a familiar bed.

He automatically looks down at himself and finds himself still in the clothes he used to travel. Donghae sighs, is surprised to feel disappointment more than relief. He looks around to find no sign of Yesung.

He rolls to his side and finds himself blushing, remembering what happened on this very same location. When it all came down to it, it was all this bed’s fault really. He buries his face in Yesung’s pillow and screams.

“Donghae-ah?” Yesung says questioningly from the door.

Donghae lifts his head up quickly, still blushing. “Hyung! I didn’t hear you enter.” He sees that Yesung was already dressed for the day. “What time is it? You could’ve woken me up and I would’ve made us breakfast.”

Yesung smiles sheepishly, remains at the door, his eyes looking anywhere but at Donghae. “Ah, I’ve actually just come back from recording.”

Donghae’s eyes widen. “Hyung, you really don’t sleep, do you?”

Yesung blushes for some reason and Donghae finds that look to be extremely attractive. “Ah, I did get more sleep than I planned on getting.” He coughs. “Anyway, your manager called. I told him you were sick and were taking the day off.”

Donghae frowns and reaches for his phone. He has several messages and three missed calls from Heechul. He groans.

“Hyung, you actually let me sleep the entire day?”

Yesung laughs. “In my defense, I was gone for most of it.”

“Hyuuuunnngggg,” Donghae pouts and Yesung finally lets himself in to ruffle Donghae’s hair.

Donghae’s heart skips a beat once again.

“Oh, and do take a shower if you want to. Heechul-hyung says to meet at the dorm in 10 minutes.”

“What for, hyung?”

Yesung shrugs, “Who knows? But I’m not really in the mood to fight over it so might as well show up for a bit. And here…”

Yesung places a thermos of coffee on the bedside table. “I dropped by Mobbit on the way back and got you some.”

Donghae stares at Yesung.

“Hyung, I love you,” he finds himself saying.

Yesung just laughs and ruffles his hair again. “Yeah, yeah. I’ll leave you alone to get ready.”

Donghae watches Yesung leave and sighs.

Can’t say he didn’t try.

—

Donghae trails after Yesung in a borrowed sweater and coat, hands freezing because he’d forgotten his gloves. He’d used all the clothes he brought on his trip and didn’t have time to do laundry.

He’s actually surprised Yesung has something that could fit him with Yesung’s decidedly slimmer build.

He watches his hyung’s narrow back, remembers how many times he’d clung to him when he was younger. Jongwoon-hyung seemed so strong and invincible to a fifteen-year old Donghae. It was reassuring to know that he’d always have his hyung to turn to.

Fast-forward eighteen years and Yesung still hasn’t lost that effect on Donghae.

He startles when he feels a pair of hands grab his own freezing ones, rubbing them together.

“Aish, Donghae-ah. Who ever leaves his gloves at home in this weather. Here, wear this.”

Donghae suddenly finds himself wearing  a pair of gloves - Yesung’s gloves to be exact.

“But hyung, you’ll get cold.”

Yesung snorts. “And you have been freezing since the moment we left the building. Besides, we’re almost there. Have you forgotten how to get to the dorm on foot? You’ve become so spoiled, Donghae-ah.”

Donghae pouts the entire way to the dorm.

Yesung waits for him before he knocks.

It is Heechul who answers the door

“Fucking finally!” Heechul says, is momentarily confused when he sees Donghae with Yesung. “Oh, Donghae-ah? Where were you?” A pause. “So you’ve finally made up, huh? Well, come on in then. Jungsoo’s cooking.”

Donghae enters ahead of Yesung - Heechul and Yesung seemed to be having a silent conversation with their eyes - and everyone greets him.

“Ah, Donghae-ah! There you are!” Hyukjae calls from the couch. “You weren’t home when we knocked to drag you here. Where have you been?”

Donghae coughs. “Well, I… That is…”

Yesung escapes into the kitchen unnoticed.

—

Leeteuk jumps when he hears a sound of someone taking his picture.

“Jongwoon!” he says. “When did you get here?”

Yesung ignores him in favor of typing something on his phone - most likely a SNS update.

“Jongwoon!”

“Ah, hyung. I just got here.”

Leeteuk sighs. “Where’s Heechul? He was supposed to help with the vegetables.”

Yesung laughs. “Are you sure you want him to help, hyung?”

Heechul walks in at that very moment, hears Yesung’s comment, cuffs him over the head.

“Shut up, you brat!” Heechul says in mock annoyance. “If you’re going to talk, why don’t you explain to us what’s going on with you and Hae. You’ve been tiptoeing around each other for more than a month and then suddenly you’re not.”

Yesung sighs. “I would’ve thought you’d appreciate us returning to normal.

“Normal meaning?”

“We’ve decided to go back to how things were before I messed up.”

Heechul looks at him and scoffs. “It doesn’t seem to be a mutual decision from where I was standing today.”

“…”

At that very moment, Hyukjae stumbles into the kitchen looking nervous. The members knew not to interrupt when the hyung line were having a Discussion™ and it looked like Hyukjae lost at rock, paper, scissors.

“Ah, hyungs. I’m sorry. The guys were wondering when dinner would start.”

“…”

“Please don’t kill me,” Hyukjae says as an afterthought.

Leeteuk smiles. “We’re almost done here. Have everything set up and tell them not to drink too much.”

Hyukjae nods and hightails out of the kitchen.

Yesung tries to sneak out after him, only to be called back by Heechul.

“Oi, Yesex! We aren’t done here.”

Yesung sighs. “I’m sorry, hyung, but I am.”

He walks out.

—

“So…” Hyukjae says. “Still not going to tell me where you were?”

They are sharing a ride back to Trimage. Donghae has succeeded in deflecting questions about his “disappearance” the entire night.

“I don’t remember you owning that sweater.”

“…”

“I could just ask your manager where he dropped you off last night, you know.”

Donghae sighs. “Fine. I was at Yesung-hyung’s apartment.”

Hyukjae frowns. That wasn’t too unusual and he says so.

“What?”

“I mean, you’ve been attached to the guy for years, even when we were dating. You know that’s the reason we’ve been bickering, right?”

Donghae’s clueless expression said no, he didn’t know that.

“So, why the secrecy? I mean, you could’ve just said, ‘Oh, I’ve been hanging out with Yesung-hyung’ and everybody would have gone, ‘Aww, that’s cute!’ and we could’ve moved on from it.”

“…”

“Hae?”

“…”

“It’s no longer just hanging out, is it?”

Donghae sighs. “It’s… complicated.”

Hyukjae laughs. “Of course it is. Heaven forbid anything involving Yesung-hyung be anything but complicated.” A pause. “So, does this have something to do with all those questions you’ve been asking me about changing feelings.”

Donghae shrugs noncommittally.

“If you don’t mind me asking, exactly whose feelings changed?”

Donghae sighs. “His. Mine. I don’t know. It doesn’t matter at this point anyway - he’s decided to go back to how things were.”

Hyukjae nods. “And I’m guessing you don’t want that?”

Donghae shakes his head.

“Then what do you want?”

Donghae is silent for a while and then…

“I love him, Hyukkie, and I know he has feelings for me too. That’s why it’s so frustrating to have him act like he doesn’t.”

“Then why don’t you, I don’t know, tell him?”

Donghae blushes. “Don’t you think I haven’t been trying since I realized my feelings?”

“And?”

“He just laughs at me as if everything is a joke.”

Hyukjae laughs at him then. “Then why don’t you just go ahead and kiss him? There’s no way that could be misinterpreted. It’s not like it’s the first time you’d be doing it.”

Donghae blushes even more before he remembers that Hyukjae could not have known about that kiss in Yesung’s room.

“That was for a program. It doesn’t count.”

“Well, then make sure the next one does.”

“Hyukkie!”

Hyukjae laughs at his misery.

“I hate you. I don’t know why I ever dated you before.”

“Love you too, chagiya,” Hyukjae squeezes out in between his laughter.

—

Yesung keeps himself busy the next couple of weeks. Donghae, on the other hand, keeps trying to spend as much time with him as he can. It actually confused Yesung quite a bit.

“Hyung,” Jongjin calls him in the middle of his practice for a musical. “Donghae-hyung’s here at Armoire again.”

Yesung sighs, wondering if he should be worried about Donghae’s lack of schedules.

“Ah, just hang out with him. I’m sure it’ll be good for business.”

“Hyung, he says he hasn’t seen you since Saturday.”

“It’s only Wednesday.”

Jongjin sighs. “Are you avoiding him again? I would’ve thought this would be a welcome development after your confession.”

Yesung snorts. “Yeah, my confession that he didn’t hear.”

“He didn’t?”

“There were fireworks and static at the very moment I said…”

“Uh-oh.”

“Jongjin-ah?”

“Hyung, please don’t kill me.”

“What? Why?”

“I might have mentioned to Donghae-hyung that I’d support you guys if ever he decides to return your feelings.”

Yesung drops his phone.

—

Yesung comes home that evening to find Donghae at his apartment, playing with Kkoming and Melo. It is such an endearing sight, Yesung forgets all his worries - he knows! Oh god, he knows! - and takes a video.

Donghae looks up, a bit embarrassed at being caught talking cutely to Yesung’s pets.

“Ah, hyung! Welcome home! Jongjin let me in.”

Yesung laughs in spite of himself. “Of course, he did.” He looks at his dining table and sees that it has been set. “Did you cook? Is this to make sure I would eat?”

Donghae laughs. “You give me too much credit, hyung. Your Mom dropped dinner off for the two of us. I just helped her heat the dishes.”

Yesung sighs. “Even worse - you and my Mom are conspiring against me.”

“Did you eat today?”

“No. I just had my usual dose of coffee.”

Donghae stands up then, Kkoming and Melo in each arm. “Aish, hyung. That will really get you killed one day, you know.”

“Donghae-ah…” Yesung says warningly — his eating habits are a sensitive topic even between them.

Donghae sighs, tries a different approach. “Please… do it for me, hyung.” He pouts, hugs Kkoming and Melo closer and squishes his cheeks between then. “If you die, we’ll be really, really sad, hyung. Is that what you want?” Donghae then looks at him with what could only be described as “puppy eyes.”

“Urgh, fine! Let’s have dinner. Just let me change first.” Yesung rakes a hand through his hair, a blush coloring his cheeks in spite of himself. “You’re so unfair, Donghae-ah. You know I can’t say ‘no’ to that face.”

Yesung then notices Donghae’s duffel bag at the far end of his couch and freezes.

“Oh, and did I mention I’ll be sleeping over tonight, hyung? My unit’s air conditioning got busted.”

Yesung screams internally all the way to his room.

—

Leeteuk frowns as he puts down his phone.

“Who was it?” Heechul asks from where he’s been setting the table.

“Donghae’s manager,” Leeteuk looks confused. “He says Donghae called him complaining that his air conditioning was busted. Turns out he just forgot to turn the meter on.”

“Aish, that kid. I’m really surprised he’d survived through enlistment and living on his own for this long now. Why’d his manager call you though?”

“He says Donghae hasn’t been picking up.”

“Has he tried calling Jongwoon?”

“Jongwoon? Why?”

Heechul shrugs. “No reason. Instinct?”

“Is there something you know that I don’t?”

“Well, I do know that those two idiots have some sort of feelings towards each other and it’s about time someone does something about it. I’m just surprised that it’s Donghae.”

Leeteuk sighs, “To be honest, I would’ve thought they were aware of each other’s feelings.”

Heechul shrugs, taking out a bottle of soda from his refrigerator. He really wasn’t a fan of soda but he’d started stocking up recently  on a whim and no, the fact that he’s been having Leeteuk over for dinner more frequently did not have anything to do with it.

“With those two? Jongwoon has the tendency to get too caught up in his thoughts and Donghae is just simple-minded - no, they definitely need things spelled out for them.”

He continues setting the table until he feels Leeteuk approach and lean his head against Heechul’s shoulder.

“Heechul-ah…”

“Yeah?” Heechul replies distractedly.

“I’ve been thinking. Neither of us has said it but… you do know that I love you, right?”

The sound of breaking glass fills the room.

—

Yesung looks at Donghae’s sleeping figure beside him on his couch. They were supposed to watch a movie but Yesung, as per usual, had other things to do. So he’d worked on his laptop with one earphone plugged in, the other keeping up with the movie that was playing - the Kingsman sequel, from what Yesung remembers. Donghae had nodded off at some point and was currently snoring lightly against Yesung’s shoulder. He’d taken a shower and changed into his pajamas and Yesung takes the time to appreciate the carefree expression on the other’s face. They’d used to sleep this way when they were younger, nodding off at any chance they got in the middle of their busy schedules.

Yesung missed those simple times when he still didn’t know he was in love.

He reaches up to tuck stray strands of hair behind Donghae’s ear, allows his hand to linger against the other’s cheek.

Donghae stirs awake but Yesung cannot make himself look away.

“Hyung?” Donghae blinks up at him sleepily.

Yesung snatches his hand away, refuses to look at Donghae.

“Ah, Donghae-ah. I just… You should go to bed. It must not be comfortable sleeping in that position.”

“Come with me.”

“What?”

“Come to bed with me, hyung,” Donghae repeats and Yesung turns back to look at him.

‘He knows,’ he reminds himself. ‘He knows and yet…’

“Donghae-ah, I don’t think… I can’t. There’s just too much that has to be done and…”

“And there will be even more things that need to be done tomorrow,” Donghae smiles. “Can’t you allow yourself to rest just for tonight?”

Yesung sighs. “Fine. I’ll take the couch.”

Donghae looks at him confused. “Hyung, that’s just silly. We’ve shared your bed before.”

“Donghae-ah…”

“Come on, hyung,” Donghae says, pulling Yesung to his feet. “Let’s go sleep before I wake up completely.”

Yesung sighs, allows himself to be led.

A couple of minutes later and he finds himself lying awake in his own bed, Donghae curled up comfortably against his chest, an arm around his waist.

Yesung runs his fingers through Donghae’s hair and tries not to think too much.

—

Donghae wakes up alone in Yesung’s bed.

He barely remembers how he got there, just that he’d somehow managed to convince his hyung to join him while half asleep. He also remembers the feeling of a gentle hand caressing his hair and a strong heartbeat against his ear.

Donghae sighs and sits up. It would’ve been nice to wake up to Yesung’s sleeping face. Too bad all this had to happen in the middle of one of Yesung’s most busy periods.

“Maybe I really should have just gone ahead and kissed him,” Donghae mutters to himself while getting out of bed.

He walks to the kitchen and isn’t surprised to find it empty. He finds a pre-packed salad though, with a copy of  Yesung’s keycard and a note from Yesung that he’d had to leave early and could Donghae lock up after himself if he’s leaving.

Donghae frowns at the last part - was this Yesung’s way of politely kicking him out? He sighs and decides to check his phone. He finds several missed calls and messages from Leeteuk and his manager informing him that there wasn’t anything wrong with his air conditioning. There’s a cryptic message from Heechul asking if he was home shortly followed by a ‘nvm, i’m going to go get drunk.’ Donghae wonders if he should be concerned.

His phone sounds with a message from Yesung. Donghae feels his heart flutter in what was slowly becoming a familiar feeling.

“Ah, Donghae-ah. Are you awake? I wanted to discuss this with you last night but anyway, I was hoping D&E’d be willing to do a collaboration with me in my Japanese album. Will be sending a link to the song shortly.”

The business-like tone of the message makes Donghae pout.

“Ok,” Donghae replies. “Will talk to Hyukjae about it but there should be no problem.”

He hesitates before sending, “Please don’t forget to eat, hyung. 🥺”

The “…” appears several times before Yesung finally sends, “If it makes you feel better, I did eat a salad for breakfast. It will totally be your fault if my face is swollen for next week’s concert. 😤”

Donghae laughs - at least he got an emoticon. Kkoming peers up at him curiously. Donghae smiles and gathers her up, snaps a selfie before sending it to Yesung with a “💋”.

Yesung sees it but doesn’t reply.

—

Yesung runs into Leeteuk after his recording session at the SM building.

“Ah! Jungsoo-hyung! I didn’t expect you to be here.”

“Jongwoon-ah? Are you done for the day?”

Yesung shrugs. He’d wanted to record at least another song but was advised to rest his vocal cords for the day. “I guess.”

Leeteuk smiles. “Then would you join me for dinner?”

Yesung starts to lie, say that he’d already eaten dinner, but stops when he remembers that he’d been searching for an excuse not to go home - and no, it has nothing to do with how shaken he was by the picture Donghae had sent him this morning.

Sure, it was innocent enough… and cute… and definitely a picture Donghae would take for fanservice, but for some reason, Yesung found it oddly intimate - Donghae eating breakfast in his apartment, playing with his pets.

“Jongwoon-ah?” Leeteuk calls his name, bringing him back to the present.

“Ah, sure. Any place in mind?”

Leeteuk brings Yesung to the place he and Heechul went to a couple of weeks ago. Leeteuk orders food for more than one person and Yesung sighs at his members’ obsession with feeding him.

“So…” Leeteuk says. “How have you been?”

“Ok, I guess. The Japanese album’s almost done. It’s the Korean one that’s giving me trouble.”

“Oh, if you need more time we could…”

Yesung shakes his head. “Ah, no. I’ve just been a bit distracted lately.”

As if on cue, Yesung’s phone vibrates with a message from Donghae. “Hyung, where are you? Have you eaten? I don’t want to go home tonight.”

Yesung sighs and flips his phone over.

“Is it Donghae?” Leeteuk asks, a knowing smile on his face.

Yesung gives up. “Yes. He’s still at my place. I thought his air conditioning has been fixed!”

“Ah, actually…”

“And he’s been clinging to me so much lately, hyung, and sending me cute pictures of him and my dogs and reminding me to eat and…”

“Jongwoon, I don’t see what’s the problem.”

“The problem is that he knows, hyung! He knows that I… And yet he still goes and does all those things and I just don’t know what to think anymore.”

“Jongwoon, haven’t you considered that, I don’t know, maybe he feels the same way?”

Yesung looks at him with a deer-in-headlights expression.

“No, hyung! That can’t be! It’s just not possible. Donghae can’t… with me? No, hyung. Please don’t say that… Donghae is just…”

Leeteuk reached out to place a hand over Yesung’s shoulder. “Aish, Jongwoon-ah. Breathe.” An exasperated smile. “Seriously, you and Heechul…” He shakes his head. “Listen, among the members, it is probably you who knows Donghae the most - would he put this much effort into something that didn’t mean anything for him?”

Yesung just keeps staring at Leeteuk as if his hyung had grown a second head.

“No, hyung. That couldn’t… Donghae couldn’t…”

Leeteuk sighs, was planning on saying something else when he hears a familiar voice.

“Yesex, what are you—”

Leeteuk turns around and meets Heechul’s panicked expression across the room.

—

Yesung slumps against the car seat. He isn’t sure if he’s grateful or annoyed at Heechul’s sudden appearance that forced him to make a hasty exit. There seemed to be something weird going on between the two eldest members and had it been at any other time or place, Yesung would’ve pestered one or the other for information.

As it were, Leeteuk’s words had provided him with enough things to think about.

He looks at the picture of Donghae’s sleeping face that Jongjin had sent him and sighs. He knows he should be thankful, should treasure the moments Donghae chooses to spend with him instead of worrying about possibilities that were too incredible to be true, but then…

His manager, Changjoo coughs, and Yesung looks at him.

“Ah, Changjoo-ah, how do you know if someone has feelings for you?”

Changjoo shifts his grip on the steering wheel. “Hyung-nim?”

Yesung sighs. “Ah, right. You hate being asked these kinds of questions. I’m sorry.”

Changjoo glances at him and Yesung doesn’t know what their manager sees in him that makes the normally quiet man say, “I don’t know, hyung-nim. Maybe if a person keeps wanting to spend time with you, drops everything in his schedule just to be with you, has a secret playlist of your songs, and cries with worry over one of your cryptic SNS posts?”

Yesung turns to look at him fully. “Changjoo-ah, you…”

Changjoo remains expressionless, stops the car. “We’re here, hyung-nim. Have a pleasant evening.”

Yesung has gotten down from the van when the manager tells him, “Oh, and please tell Donghae-hyung-nim that he really has to go to that charity event tomorrow. I’ll pick him up at 11:00.”

Yesung can only blink as the white van speeds off.

—

“Donghae-ah…”

Donghae wakes to someone calling his name and gently shaking his shoulder. He opens his eyes and sees Yesung hovering over him.

“Ah, hyung. Did you just get home? What time is it? I made curry. Did you eat already?”

Yesung just smiles at him. “Curry? Really? Did you make sure not to add in the cooking oil lid this time?”

Donghae blushes. “I do it one time and now everyone thinks I’m a bad cook.”

“Oh, and then there was one time when Wookie was sick and you forgot to slice the potatoes.”

Donghae groans. “Hyung, why are you so mean? You ignore me the entire day and now you attack my cooking without even having tasted it.”

Yesung laughs. “Fine then. Let’s go eat.”

Donghae beams at him and goes to re-heat their meal. Yesung takes a seat at the table and watches Donghae move around in his kitchen, that fluttering feeling from this morning making itself known once again.

“Ah, Donghae-ah, you really are that bored, aren’t you, to actually cook something.”

Donghae shrugs. “I cook for myself too sometimes, hyung. Plus, your kitchen is better stocked than mine.”

“And you haven’t had any schedules lately?”

Another shrug. “I was supposed to go to a Cadillac event today but I could still go tomorrow so…”

“Donghae-ah, you know I lo— like spending time with you, right?”

“…”

“But you don’t really have to do this…”

“Are you kicking me out?”

Yesung sighs in frustration and approaches Donghae. “No, I’m not. It’s just that… you don’t have to force yourself to spend time with me when…”

Donghae turns around and looks at Yesung with an unreadable expression.

“Who says I’m forcing myself? What if I really missed you and being here makes me feel less lonely?”

“…”

“I love you, hyung,” Donghae says, wraps his arms around Yesung, and kisses him.

—

Jongjin cheerfully opens the door to Yesung’s apartment.

“Donghae-hyung, I have some sweets. We’ve been thinking of selling the at… oh, hyung! You’re home!”

Jongjin approaches the table and a blushing Yesung.

“Ah, hyung! You’re kinda red in the face. Are you sick?”

“I-I’m fine, Jongjin-ah. H-hae and I were just… err, sitting down to have dinner… Yes, curry… for dinner. Nothing more!”

Jongjin frowns at Yesung, chooses to ignore him - he’s seen stranger behavior from his hyung before.

“Donghae-hyung, you cooked?”

“Ah, y-yes,” Donghae stutters from where he was standing in front of the stove, his back turned to the two of them. “While hyung was not here. Yeah, because he actually just got here. So nothing could have happened. Because I was sleeping when hyung got here...” The stove beeps. “Oh look. It’s d-done. I’m…”

Yesung stands and approaches the counter. “Here, ah… let me help…”

Yesung and Donghae reach for the same bowl, their hands brush against each other, and both quickly draw their hand back, blushing furiously.

Jongjin looks from one to the other. “Ah, hyungs… Are you sure I wasn’t interrupting anything?”

“NO!” Yesung and Donghae shout at the same time.

“Of course not!”

“Jongjin-ah!!!”

Jongjin is not convinced, barely stops himself from rolling his eyes. And these two were supposed to have acted for a living. He chooses to play it safe, though - after all, Yesung hadn’t been too happy with him telling Donghae what he did.

“Fine, I’ll just leave this here. Enjoy err… each other… I mean, having dinner with each other. Uhm, bye.”

Jongjin runs out of Yesung’s apartment before either of his hyungs could figure out what he just said.

—

Donghae wakes up alone in Yesung’s bed.

It should’ve become familiar by now but this time, all Donghae could feel is a sense of loss.

Donghae didn’t know what to expect when Jongjin left the night before, his sudden arrival making their kiss end sooner than Donghae would’ve liked.

He lies back and absently touches his lower lip. He actually didn’t plan on doing it, did it more out of frustration that Yesung was coming to a different conclusion than the most obvious one. Yesung was surprised, actually froze against him, but Donghae was so sure that, in the split second before they were interrupted, Yesung had begun to kiss him back.

Which is why it confused him when Yesung had avoided his gaze all throughout dinner and didn’t say a single word. They also wordlessly cleaned up the dishes before Yesung led him to his bedroom.

“You know where everything is,” Yesung had told him. “Good night, Hae.”

Donghae tried to reach out to stop him, ask him what was wrong, pull him into the room and kiss him again because damnit, he didn’t know what else he could do to make Yesung believe that he loved him.

“Hyung… Please…” He found himself saying instead, voice breaking slightly.

“Donghae-ah, I’m sorry,” Yesung had said before walking out and closing the door.

Donghae cried himself to sleep that night.

He hears barking from the foot of the bed, looks down to find Kkoming and Melo looking up at him as though in sympathy. He gathers them up and curls up again in bed.

—

Yesung takes his time walking through the familiar neighborhood. He’s barely slept and had gone on an early morning walk to clear his head.

Donghae had kissed him. Donghae had kissed him while both of them were awake and sober and more or less in the right state of mind.

“I love you, hyung,” Donghae has kept telling him.

“Haven’t you considered that maybe Donghae returns your feelings?” Leeteuk had said.

So he doesn’t understand why everything makes him feel so…

Yesung sighs. Maybe he’s been so used to his feelings always being one-sided, he doesn’t know what to do when there was even the slightest possibility that the other liked him back.

Yesung passes by a 24-hour diner and buys breakfast for two. He knows he can’t keep ignoring Donghae and he sure as hell didn’t want to hurt him but, for the first time in his life, Yesung is scared. Things were changing. And even if - a big IF - Donghae really meant that kiss to be what Yesung thought it was, that doesn’t guarantee that he won’t lose him later on.

Yesung reaches his building and rides the elevator up to his apartment.

“I love you, hyung,” Donghae had said.

Yesung thumps him head against the elevator wall. Why couldn’t he have just said it back?

—

“Hae-ah…”

Donghae blinks awake to the feeling of a hand brushing through his hair. Kkoming and Melo had settled against his side and he seems to have fallen asleep again, taking comfort in their presence.

He looks up to find Yesung hovering over him.

“Come on, you have a schedule today. I bought breakfast.”

“Hyung…” he finds himself saying, eyes still red and puffy but once again tearing up. “Hyung, are we…”

Yesung cups his cheek then, wipes the tears that were threatening to fall, smiles weakly. “Yes, we’re okay.”

“But hyung, I really do…”

Yesung kisses him and Donghae forgets how to breathe.

—

Heechul stares at his plate, curses Yesung for leaving when he did. He’d been avoiding Leeteuk since the night the other man had said those three words to him.

“Heechul-ah…” Leeteuk starts to say.

Heechul stubbornly ignores him.

“Heechul, please. Tell me what’s wrong?”

“…”

“I thought you already knew. I thought…”

“…”

“Please, say something.”

Heechul snaps.

“What exactly do you want me to say? That I’ve loved you all this time as well?That I’m scared I’m just going to fuck things up? That I think this is a very bad idea and would only end with both of us getting hurt? That things are fine the way they are?”

“Heechul-ah…”

Heechul curses when he realizes everything he just said.

Leeteuk places a hand on his arm and Heechul makes himself look up.

“Heechul-ah… I… understand your feelings and I won’t deny having the same thoughts, but I’m not taking what I said back.” A smile. “I really do love you, you know?”

Heechul blushes.

“I- I have to go.” He hurriedly stands up and practically runs out of the restaurant.

—

“You look happy,” Hyukjae greets Donghae when he gets to the salon. It’s been a long time since they had a schedule together and it’s the first time they’re seeing each other since their ride home together but Donghae had been updating him on how things were going with Yesung. “I take it the sleepover went well?”

Donghae blushes in spite of himself. “Ah, Hyukkie…”

“You don’t have to deny it. It’s written all over your face.” A smirk. “So… you and Yesung-hyung huh? How was it?”

“Hyukkie!” Donghae exclaims and runs to clasp a hand on Hyukjae’s mouth, frantically looks around, lets out a relieved sigh when he confirms that they are alone.

“Hyukkie, it’s not like that! We just… kissed and had breakfast and…”

Hyukjae snorts. “That’s so boring. Though expected. You’re boyfriend’s kinda lame.”

Donghae really hits him then.

“Oww!” Hyukjae cries. “That actually hurt. Is this how things are going to be now every time I clown your boyfriend?”

Donghae takes a seat. “Please stop saying that.” A whisper. “And he’s not my boyfriend… at least, I don’t think…”

“He’s not your what now?”

Donghae groans. “We haven’t really talked about it.”

“What?”

“I said, we haven’t really talked about… well, us. Whenever I try bringing it up, he just smiles and does something to distract me or change the subject.”

Hyukjae looks at him in sympathy. “Ah, that sucks.”

Donghae’s phone vibrates with a message from Yesung. “You forgot you coffee. I’m sending someone over from Armoire. Take care, cutie. 💋”

Donghae turns an alarming shade of red.

Hyukjae grabs his phone, reads Yesung’s message, and pretends to puke. “You guys are disgusting.”

Donghae pushes him off his chair.

—

“Yesex! Where are you? Let’s get drunk!” Heechul messages him at 11:00 PM.

Yesung groans. “Hyung, we’re flying out tomorrow. And I just got home from recording.”

“Tough luck,” Heechul replies. “I’m already outside your door.”

Yesung sighs and goes to open the door.

Heechul enters Yesung’s apartment and looks around. “I’m surprised Donghae isn’t here,” he says, making himself at home on Yesung’s couch and placing several bottles of soju on the center table. Yesung fetches some shot glasses and sits beside Heechul.

“He’s been here for the past few days.”

They drink a shot each before Yesung finally says, “So? What brings you here, hyung?”

Heechul sighs. “What makes you think… can’t I have a drink with my dongsaeng without my motives being questioned?”

Yesung just looks at him.

“Fine,” Heechul says, downing another shot. “Leeteuk told me he loves me.”

“Ah,” Yesung says, sipping his drink slowly. “Did you say it back?”

Heechul looks away. “I may have gotten mad and accidentally confessed.”

“And..?”

“Fine! I ran away like a fucking coward! You can judge me now - I can take it.”

Yesung just continues to sip his drink.

“Hello, stupid idiot here waiting for judgment.”

Yesung looks away. “I won’t judge you, hyung. I… kinda get it.”

“Meaning, Donghae confessed to you and you didn’t respond.”

Yesung groans and downs his drink. “Worse. He told me he loves me and kissed me. I kissed him without saying it back and now I don’t even know if we’re dating or not.”

Heechul looks him for a whole minute and then bursts out laughing. “Oh my god, Jongwoon! That’s something that only you would do!”

“Heechul-hyung!”

“Ah, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, but it really it’s too funny.”

“I really am worried, hyung. When should I say it? How should I say it?”

Heechul shrugs. “I don’t know. Ask him out on a date or something and then tell him. You could get some fireworks or some romantic shit like that. Aish, Jongwoon. I really don’t understand how you get yourself into these kinds of situations.”

Yesung snorts. “Says the guy who accidentally confessed.”

“Says the guy who didn’t,” Heechul shoots back.

“Touche.”

—

Yesung drags himself to the airport with  one of the worst hangovers he’s ever had in his life.

Siwon sees him and comes up to greet him, giving him a hug. “Hyung! It seems like ages since we’ve seen each other!” Siwon releases him but keeps holding onto Yesung’s hand.

Yesung tries to smile, ends up grimacing. “Ah, Siwon-ah. It’s been a while. How are you?”

Another one of their vans pulls up and Donghae gets off it, looking around. He sees Yesung and Siwon and hurries towards them. Yesung could practically feel his pout from ten feet away.

“Hyung! Siwonnie!”

Siwon lets go of Yesung’s hand then and sweeps Donghae into a hug. “Donghae-ah! I missed you!”

One of their managers gestures for Yesung to get moving and he does, reluctantly leaving Donghae with Siwon who had slung an arm around the other.

They go through the usual airport fanfare and it seems like forever until they are left alone. Yesung sinks into the chairs in the waiting area and sighs - were airport chairs always this comfortable? He feels someone take the seat beside him and he immediately knows it’s Donghae without having to open his eyes. A cold bottle is pressed against his cheek and he forces himself to smile.

“Thanks, Donghae-ah,” he says, taking the bottle.

“It’s for drinking, hyung. I also got you painkillers if you want them.”

Yesung opens his eyes then and peaks at Donghae. Sitting there in his bucket hat and an oversized tracksuit, Donghae still was the most beautiful sight Yesung has ever seen.

He opens the bottle of what turns out to be Gatorade and downs two of the painkillers at once.

Their flight is called then and Donghae clings to Yesung’s arm, looking for all the world to see like Yesung’s ever clingy jjokeumani instead of a worried boyfriend keeping his hungover boyfriend from keeling over.

Donghae has to switch seats with Shindong, who gladly takes his seat beside a smirking Hyukjae.

Donghae lets Yesung into the aisle seat and takes the window seat. He looks around before slowly lifting the arm rest separating their chairs.

Yesung reclines against his chair, eyes still close when he feels a gentle hand guide his head to rest on a familiar shoulder.

Donghae takes Yesung’s hand and entwines their fingers together. “Aish, hyung. I leave you alone for a couple of days and the next thing I know, you get drunk.”

Yesung groans, settles in closer, breath fanning against the side of Donghae’s neck. “Heechul-hyung,” he says by way of explanation.

“Ah,” Donghae nods. “That would explain why Jungsoo-hyung is getting a later flight when he was supposed to join us.”

“Called… Jungsoo-hyung… on him. Bastard deserves it for making me drink.”

Donghae chuckles. There was something really cute about a hungover Yesung.

“Now no more talking, Donghae-ah. I really feel like I’m going to die and I don’t really plan on doing that right now,” a whisper. “Do you want to know why?”

“…”

“It’s because I don’t want to make my cute Donghae-ah cry.”

Donghae’s heart flutters in spite of himself and he draws the brim of his bucket hat lower to hide blushing face.

Yesung squeezes his hand and the plane takes off.

—

Heechul wakes up to a terrible migraine and the feeling of gentle fingers combing through his hair.

He opens his eyes to discover Leeteuk watching him, his head on Leeteuk’s lap.

“Good morning, Heechul-ah,” Leeteuk says.

Heechul forces himself to sit up. “Jungsoo…” He leans his head back against the couch. “Aren’t you supposed to fly out today too?”

Leeteuk shakes his head, “I was until Jongwoon called to tell me that he left you passed out in his apartment.”

“Urgh, remind me to kick that brat the next time I see him.”

They sit in awkward silence for a while.

“Jungsoo—”

“Heechul—”

They look at each other and Heechul laughs.

“If this isn’t some A+ K-drama shit. Fine, I’ll go first. I’m sorry for acting the way I did. It’s just that I said things that I never really planned on saying and I panicked. Jungsoo, you have to understand that how I feel for you… I’ve never really felt like this for anyone else. And I know you deserve better than me doing this when I have a terrible hangover and bed hair but I refuse to leave things unspoken between us unlike some idiots I know…”

“Heechul-ah…”

Heechul sighs. “I guess what I’m trying to say…” He takes both of Leeteuk’s hands in his own, looks him in the eye. “… is that I love you, Park Jungsoo.”

“Heechul-ah…”

“And I know I’ll mess up sometimes and do some shit like leave the water running in the sink and you’ll eventually get tired of me…”

“Heechul-ah…”

“And our members will point and laugh and clown us for the foreseeable future but hey we can always dock their pay, right, except Hyukjae because he owes me money…”

“Heechul-ah!” Leeteuk raises his voice and Heechul stops.

“I don’t know if I’ve made it clear enough the first two times but I love you. Against all that I’ve ever known, I love you and I’m willing to risk everything for the chance to be with you. Understand?”

Heechul nods dumbly.

“Good,” Leeteuk says and finally smiles. “Now shut the hell up and kiss me!”

Heechul lets out a relieved laugh and does just that.

—

Yesung sees Heechul and Leeteuk enter the practice room walking closer together than normal and trying not to smile.

“Oh god,” Yesung exclaims loudly, looking horrified. “Tell me you guys didn’t do it on my couch. I don’t want to have to change it.”

Heechul just smirks and kicks him in the knee. “Shut up, you brat.”

Donghae looks up from where he was sitting next to Yesung looking puzzled. “Your couch? But hyung, didn’t you just… oh.” It somehow clicks in Donghae’s mind and Donghae gets up to hug Heechul and Leeteuk. “Congratulations, hyungs. I’m glad you two made up.”

The rest of the members gather around them, curious after Yesung’s outburst.

Heechul looks at Leeteuk and sighs. “You handle this. I’m going to get us breakfast.” He kicks Yesung again on the way out. Yesung yelps and Donghae goes to see what happened.

Leeteuk looks around, sees everyone’s knowing smiles, and sighs. “Do I really have to say this?”

“We won’t  know what “this” is, hyung, unless you tell us,” Hyukjae says cheekily.

“Yeah, hyung. What’s going on?” Siwon looks genuinely confused.

Donghae helps up Yesung, who was still rubbing his knee

Leeteuk sighs, “Fine. Heechul and I… we’ve decided to try… We’re together, I guess.”

Ryeowook leans in to whisper to Shindong. “Hey, hyung. Shouldn’t we pretend to be shocked?”

Shindong nods, says loudly. “Oh wow, we totally didn’t expect that. Congratulations, hyung.”

Siwon goes to hug Leeteuk. “Wow, I’m so happy for you guys,” he says sincerely.

Donghae sneaks a glance at Yesung and finds that the other was looking back at him with a strange expression.

Leeteuk calls practice into order before Donghae could ask what that look meant.

—

Yesung watches Donghae as he peacefully sleeps, his head pillowed on Yesung’s chest.

The first day of the concert would be tomorrow and Yesung had planned to shoo Donghae from his hotel room at a reasonable hour but he ended up falling asleep while they were watching some anime and Yesung just didn’t have the heart to wake him.

Yesung watches, allowing himself to fully appreciate the other’s beauty, and, not for the first time, feels unworthy of Donghae’s feelings.

Donghae stirs, shifts a bit closer, tightens his hold on Yesung’s waist.

Yesung smiles, bends down to whisper in Donghae’s ear. “Ah, my Donghae-ah. How I wish I was brave enough to tell you how much I love you.”

Donghae doesn’t reply, blissfully unaware of Yesung’s dilemma.

Yesung sighs, holds Donghae closer, and allows himself to fall asleep.

—

Yesung finds himself knocking frantically on Heechul’s hotel room door at 11:55 PM.

“Hyung!” Yesung practically screams the moment an annoyed Heechul opens the door. “I think he’s mad at me! Why is he mad at me, hyung?! What did I do?!”

Heechul glares at him.

“Jongwoon, what the hell. Do you even know what time it is?!”

“I’m sorry, hyung, but… Hae has started ignoring me again. I thought… Things were going so well yesterday and now…”

Heechul lets out a sigh. “Jongwoon, did Siwon do… was there YeWon fanservice tonight in any way, shape, or form?”

Yesung pauses. “Well, you know how touchy-feely Siwon is. Yes, we hugged and held hands and…”

“And..?”

“I don’t understand.”

“Well, let me put it this way - how do you feel about EunHae fanservice?”

Yesung scoffs. “It’s fanservice, hyung. It’d be stupid of me to be jealous over fanservice.”

Heechul smirks, “I didn’t say you were jealous though.” A pause. “Jongwoon, have you even confessed properly already?”

Silence.

“I know you’ve been looking like the most sickly sweet couple lately but… Donghae… he’s actually quite insecure and needs to know that you’re on the same page.”

“I… I’m actually still scared, hyung. It feels like I’ve loved him all my life but everything is just so new to him. I don’t want to overwhelm him and make him feel that he has to...”

“But isn’t that his decision to make?”

“…”

“Or maybe it’s already been made.”

“Hyung, I…”

“Heechul-ah?” A voice that sounds unmistakably like Leeteuk’s says. “Who is it?”

“No one. Just housekeeping.”

“Okay. Come back to bed.”

“Talk to Hae,” Heechul hisses at Yesung, glares at him for good measure, and slams the door.

—

Yesung knocks on Donghae’s hotel room.

Donghae opens the door, looks surprised to find Yesung, almost slams the door in his face if it weren’t for Yesung stopping the door from closing with his foot. It looked like the younger man didn’t get any sleep either.

“Hae-ah, please. We need to talk.”

Donghae looks away. “It’s past midnight, hyung. We fly out early tomorrow. Shouldn’t you be sleeping?”

Yesung smiles sheepishly. “You know it’s still early for me.”

A sneer. “Then why don’t you go see if Siwon wants to keep you company?”

Yesung suppresses the urge to scream, wonders if he could force his way into Donghae’s room should the other really slam the door on him by sheer force of will alone, seriously considers doing muscle training just to keep up with the other.

“Why should I?” He finally says. “It’s not Siwon’s company that I want.”

Apparently, Yesung said something right. Donghae sighs, loosens his grip on the door and starts walking to his bed.

Yesung says a little prayer of thanks and  invites himself in, closing the door behind him, locking it.

“Hae-ah, whatever you think is going on between me and Siwon…”

“What am I to you, hyung?”

“Hae-ah…”

“I’m sorry. I know I’m being childish but… he… you… I just can’t stand it anymore.” A sob, and Yesung finds himself surprised that the other is crying. “It hurts too much, hyung. Please… stop dragging me along and tell me that you don’t want me already. God, I really am so fucking stupid to think that I—“

Yesung sits beside Donghae, pulls him into a fierce hug.

“I love you,” he says. “I love you, my Donghae-ah. I can’t even remember a day that I wasn’t in love with you.”

“Hyung…”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I’m sorry I made you feel that there could be anyone but you. I was just so scared…” He pulls away, takes the other’s face in his hands, wipes the tears away. “I love you, Hae, and what I feel for you is the single most honest thing I’ve ever felt. Please do not doubt me when I say that I love you. How can there be any other when you’re all I can think about?”

“Hyung… Jongwoon…”

“I’ll always be with you, even when you won’t want me to. You are and will always be my sun whom I’ll keep coming back to.”

Fresh tears spill from Donghae’s eyes and a blush spreads across his cheeks, “Stupid hyung, how can you say such embarrassing things,” buries his nose in the crook of the other’s neck.

And Yesung wants to kiss him then and there but, for some unexplainable reason, he stops himself, instead gathers the younger man into his arms and rubs his back and nape soothingly.

“I love you, hyung,” he hears and feels everything fall into place.

—

“So…” Heechul says the next time he calls Yesung out to dinner. “You finally did it, huh?”

Yesung chokes on his drink, sputters. “W-what? Hyung!”

“What? I was just asking if you’ve already told Hae that you love him,” A smirk. “What did you think I was asking, Yesex?”

Yesung groans. “Yes, I told him and once again it could’ve been better but at least… Thanks, hyung. Maybe I did needed the push.”

“It’s a good thing you did. I thought I’d have to sic Jungsoo on you.”

Yesung just laughs at him. “So… how are things with Jungsoo-hyung?”

Heechul shrugs, “Things are actually the same as before all this, except that I get to kiss him when I want to now and more.” A pause. “Come to think of it, I’m actually quite relieved that things haven’t changed that drastically. Heaven forbid we become like the two of you - holding hands and blushing and calling each other cutesy nicknames.”

Yesung looks offended. “What’s wrong with… hey! We don’t call each other cutesy nicknames!”

Heechul rolls his eyes. “You called him ‘cutie’. On SNS. Twice.”

Yesung blushes. “That was fanservice, hyung! Fanservice!”

“Hyukjae says your messages to Hae say otherwise.”

Yesung groans.

Heechul laughs. “Ah, Jongwoon. Who would’ve thought we’d find ourselves like this a couple of months ago - happily together with the people we’ve been pining over?”

Yesung smiles. “I don’t know but I really am glad we’ve been given this chance.”

Yesung’s phone rings and he picks up, listens to what the caller has to say and hangs up.

“I have to go, hyung.”

“Jongwoon, what—?”

Yesung smiles. “I’m really sorry to ditch you but for now, I have someone waiting for me at home.”

—

Yesung comes home to some luggage in his living room and a Donghae-shaped lump on his bed. Their manager called him to warn him that he had dropped Donghae off at Yesung’s house straight from the airport.

Yesung draws the covers back to find Donghae still in his red sweater - the one he’d been in in all those airport fancams - an adorable flush on his face. He lays down beside Donghae, reaches out to brush strands of his hair off his cheek. Donghae stirs, opens his eyes and blinks cutely.

“Hyung,” he says. “Tadaima.”

Yesung’s heart flutters then, laughs to hide the fact that such a simple word managed to make him feel emotional. “Shouldn’t I be the one to say that?”

Donghae frowns at him, moves to sit up. “You’re supposed to say ‘okaeri.’ Seriously, hyung. Your musical is next week and you don’t know— mmph.”

Yesung leans in and interrupts him with a tender kiss.

“Welcome home, chagiya,” he says when they part.

Donghae flushes and buries his nose in the crook of Yesung’s shoulders.

“Hyung, please don’t say such embarrassing things,” Donghae says.

Yesung laughs. “But you like it when I say these embarrassing things.”

“…”

Silence, and then…

“I love you, my Donghae-ah.”

He feels Donghae relax against him, and then a whisper, “I love you too, my Jongwoonie.”

Yesung smiles.

It may have taken a long time to get here but now, Yesung knew, that this was the only place he belonged, by Donghae’s side.

He closes his eyes and dreams of spring.

 

END

 


	2. Extra 1: Moving

Donghae sighs as he sinks into his bare mattress, countless of boxes holding things he’d accumulated through the years surrounding him. He is actually surprised that he was able to fill this many. People were always commenting about how bare and empty his apartment was that Donghae didn’t really notice the little bits and pieces of his life that started to pile up. He looks up at the familiar ceiling he’d gotten used to looking at for almost three years. Tomorrow, the movers would come to take his stuff and he would finally, officially be moving out of what he once thought of as his dream apartment. Donghae smiles as he remembers exactly why he was doing this.

It was a regular Saturday evening. He and Yesung were supposed to go out for dinner but a sudden cold had kept the older man out of commission and in bed. Not that Donghae minded so much when a miserable and cranky Yesung was a cute Yesung and easier to cuddle with if only because he wouldn’t keep running off to do whatever he felt he had to do for the day, leaving a sulking and pouting Donghae in bed. So Donghae had prepared a quick dinner, not wanting to leave Yesung alone longer than necessary, which they ate while watching Knowing Brothers re-runs on the spare television Donghae had moved into Yesung’s bedroom. They’d continued to watch more TV after, curled up in bed together, until a sudden coughing fit had Donghae sitting up to fetch Yesung some water. He returned to bed to find Yesung sitting up as well. Donghae sat on the bed and held the glass up for Yesung, watching as  he carefully sipped at the water until the glass was empty. Donghae had begun to pull away when Yesung suddenly took the glass from his hand, placing it on the  bedside table. He then took Donghae’s other hand in his and looked Donghae straight in the eye with a serious expression.

“Hae,” he said, voice scratchy and a bit croaky.

“Yes, hyung?” Donghae asked, heart pounding against his chest as his anxiety rose. Yesung very rarely used that tone on him, especially these days, that it was enough to almost send him into a panic.

“Donghae,” Yesung continued. “You know that I love you, right? And that I would do anything to make you happy?”

Donghae frowned, sensing a “but” somewhere in there. He forced himself to answer regardless.

“Yes, hyung. And I love you too, _you_ should know that too, right?”

Yesung looked at him with an unreadable expression for a while, searching for something before nodding to himself, as though he’d just reached a decision. “Good,” he said cryptically before reaching for something on his bedside table.

Donghae blinked as Yesung handed him a set of keycards. “Hyung, what…?”

“I was supposed to give this to you after taking you out on a nice dinner tonight but I just had to get sick and I don’t think I can wait any longer so I have to do this before I lose my nerve and…”

“Hyung, breathe. What… I don’t understand what you’re saying.”

Yesung sighed. “What I’m trying to say is… Hae-ah, would you move in with me?”

“…”

“I mean, I know your lease is almost up and my apartment isn’t as fancy as yours but at least I own the building and I have a spare room that we could turn into a studio and Hae, please say something, I’m freaking out already and you— mmph.”

Donghae shut Yesung up then by kissing him.

It was only later, much later, when they were lying together in bed after a lazy make-out session — Donghae would have wanted more but Yesung really was sick and he didn’t want him to pass out on him — that Donghae cupped Yesung’s face in his hands and said, “Yes, hyung. I will move in with you.”

Donghae feels the mattress dip as someone wraps their arms around him from behind, pulling him back against a familiar chest. He smiles as he leans back, covers the hands on his stomach with his own, fiddling with one of the many rings their owner was wearing. Yesung smirks as he places kisses on the back of Donghae’s neck.

“Hyung,” he whines and tries to squirm away. “Please, it’s too hot. My air-conditioning really isn’t working right now.”

Yesung laughs, sending pleasant tingles down Donghae’s spine. “Are you sure you’re not saying that just to have an excuse to spend the night at my apartment again?”

”Aish, it’s been a while since I needed an excuse to spend the night.” Donghae groans. “Besides, it’s going to be our apartment starting tomorrow anyway.”

Yesung freezes and Donghae wonders if he’d said something again, only to squeak when Yesung pulls him closer to whisper in his ear, “‘Our’ apartment, is it?” A pause. “Yeah, I like the sound of that.”

They lie together like that for a while, enjoying each other’s warmth.

“I love you, Hae,” Yesung finally says and Donghae smiles, remembering a time when it took him lashing out at Yesung in a jealousy-induced rage for the other to say those words to him. It was all in the distant past now and Donghae wonders, not for the first time, why it had taken them this long.

“I love you too, Jongwoon-hyung,” he says.

Outside, the sun starts to brighten the sky, signalling the start of a brand new day.

**Author's Note:**

> Note: One of the songs Yesung sings is “Lemon” by Yonezu Kenshi. Yesung has actually covered this song. Warning though - I may have taken some liberties with the translation.


End file.
